Monday 19 March 2012

Colombia's false friends

One of the initial things that first-time visitors to Colombia pleasantly encounter is the instant friendliness of the locals. In fact, it can almost be a little unsettling. 

They seem to go so much out of their way to help you that you feel they must be trying to get something in return — too good to be true and all that. For those streetwise travellers, your instincts tell you as much, right? 

However, it tends to be the case that passing through this extremely diverse land, on the whole, what you see is what you get. Colombians are just genuinely friendly to you — first up.

Colombia's false friends: A few Colombian 'friends' with 'Wrong Way'. It turned out at least one of them was anything but.
Best friends? Don't count on it.
That’s the thing, though — from what we’re discovering, for some of the natives, that initial friendliness is just temporary. 

Now, we realise we’re tackling a big sacred cow here. The maxim that has been perpetuated for some time is that Colombia is one of the friendliest nations on the planet. However, stay a little bit longer than the average tourist here and you begin to see how myopic a view that is. 

Over time, it appears that for some Colombians — both men and women — friendship is a one-way street. In the mid-to-long term, they expect to be ‘up’ in the deal. If they’re not, your companionship will be quickly discarded. 

The term ‘false friends’ — used to describe words in two languages that are similar in appearance and/or pronunciation but have different meanings — is very appropriate to describe some new Colombian acquaintances.

Here’s an example of what we’re talking about. You’ll meet somebody who will come across — as is the initial Colombian standard — very affable and genuine. 

Indeed, they might be so nice as to buy you a drink or invite you for a meal and if you happen to be looking for work or accommodation, or both, they’ll have plenty of contacts to help you out. Promises certainly won’t be in short supply. This warmth will continue for some time and you may feel that you’ve got to a stage where you can trust this person, someone you might call a friend. 

Then there will come a time, almost inevitably, when your new ‘friend’ will either directly ask you for money or you’ll be on a night out and your ‘amigo/a’ won’t have cash for some odd reason. 

So you lend some money or pay for the night, with the promise that you’ll get it back the next day. The thing is, tomorrow never comes with these kinds of people. You more than likely won’t be able to make contact with them for some time. 

The lines of communication may open again after a while where, amazingly, your old friend will see nothing wrong with breaking your trust. There may be some fabricated story to ‘account’ for his/her ‘disappearance’ — usually to do with a sick or dying grandmother. 

Whatever the case, they certainly won’t be in a position to repay you just yet. But they’ll have the money for you tomorrow. No worries. Sure aren’t you friends?

Colombia's false friends: Two typically exceptionally hot Colombian chicas. They might be dangerous, but they're worth the hassle!
Gorgeous but dangerous — but worth it!
Now, you might say this kind of thing happens all over the world, and of course it does. But from anecdotal evidence and experience, it seems to be especially prevalent in Colombia. 

Ask the majority of ex-pats living here how many locals they rate as good, trustworthy friends and you’ll see plenty of heads being scratched. You can find them, of course, thankfully, but alas they are few and far between. 

In defence of this Colombian behaviour, it can be said that many of them are not as wealthy as Europeans or North Americans so trying to extract something monetary from people from these parts isn’t that bad. 

However, there are far poorer places in the world — Thailand or India for example — where the people are genuinely friendly for friendliness’ sake, no other reason. 

Or even take a look at countries closer to here. The locals in Chile — and also Peru — are sometimes described as being a little emotionally colder than Colombians. On first impressions, that may hold true. Yet, from what we’ve encountered, you can build up lasting, trustworthy friendships with the locals there — no strings attached.

On the relationship front, ‘getting into bed’, literally speaking, with Colombian women can be some experience, too. 

Things tend to go one of two ways. They will either be aloof with you for weeks on end, only contacting you as it suits them, as explained above, or else they’ll be all over you from the get-go, intensely so. 

That you are unable to devote every minute of your day to them is something they seemingly can’t understand. Whatever the case, it will be an emotional roller-coaster — that’s if you take it seriously. Best practice, however, is usually not to.

Of course, as we always like to point out here, there are some fine exceptions to all this that we have fortunately encountered — enough to allow Colombians to see themselves as a relatively friendly nation. But the friendliest? In classic school-report style, we have to say ‘could do better’. 

Then again, perhaps we all could.

4 comments:

  1. It's a pity Brendan however I suggest a columbian would find similar experience in the 2nd friendliest country in the world (éire)!

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  2. Yes Micheál, that's something that entered my mind & was mentioned to me by another Irish man a few months back. We might be quite similar in terms of the initial friendliness but not much more after that. It might be more universal than one thinks.
    Hence why I put in that last line!

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  3. Hello Brendan. I've read some entries in the blog but this one catch my attention especially.

    When I finished the reading I told my mom about you and this particular entry, I was a little shocked I needed to talk to someone about your impressions. After I told her she said "It has always been like that" and then I returned to planet earth and started to think about my own experiences with friends.

    In school the economic factors were the main factor to make friends. i.e If he can afford a video game console, going to certain places and drink the same as me, we can be friends. Of course there are always exceptions as you mentioned, but the tendency to look at the wallet is high.

    In college the ways of making friends process refined a lot. Money was not a big problem, but your grades and how smart people think you are were factors to me. There were people who behaved like they were cannibals, if you got better results than them they atomically start to make you apart or ignore you.
    Once again there are individuals who are great persons and are not the kind of let’s start a friendship with how money you got? where do you live? or how smart ass you think you are?

    In this moment of my life I'm trying to look back to find those individuals that once I called friends, but time hasn't come alone. From kids or teenagers who wanted to drink with you or play a soccer match, now I find people who is asking me about my political or religious perspectives as condition to hang out with them or people who can't tell me why they don`t want to know anything about me. That made me sad for a while but I realize and thanks to this entry too that I’m not alone in the "Amigos" crusade at least it makes me happy to know there's more people in the planet trying to find friends.

    PS: I'm Camilo from Blake's Saturday party

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  4. Hi Camilo,

    Thanks for taking the time to post your comment.

    While this article is focused on Colombia and my experiences here, it's fair to say that it's not just a phenomenon from here. I say that in terms of foreigners in a new country trying to 'get-in' with the locals. As Micheál comments above, the same sort of thing is likely to happen in Ireland too.

    However, I do find it interesting to read about your own experiences trying to make lasting friendships here in Colombia, your home place. That brings the problem on to different, sadder level. For an 'outsider' to experience it is one thing, but an 'insider', that's another.

    In any case, I'm always up for a 'value-for-money' coffee in La Candelaría Camilo :-)

    Thanks again for your comment!

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