Dirty old town

Frontier towns tend not to get much positive press among travellers, especially so in South America. The fact that many of them really only exist as functioning entities precisely because of their location and tend to be either the beginning or end of laborious exit and entry procedures to another state probably plays a part in this negative image. 

On the face of it, Maicao — nestled on Colombia’s north-eastern limits next to Venezuela — fits neatly into this bracket. Ask any native, town residents apart, what they think of the place and one of the first words you're likely to hear back is ‘feo’ – that’s ugly to you and me. And to be honest, there is no arguing with that description.

One of Maicao's main streets.

Now, far from being a deserted tumbleweed spot such as your stereotypical border outpost in North America — well there may be tumbleweeds about the place but if so they’ve got stiff competition from the streams of rubbish blowing down the streets — this is a bustling market town. 

Indeed, the whole centre is just one big mass of interconnected, dishevelled markets, selling just about anything you’re looking for. A shopper’s paradise in a sense – well, quite a dirty one.

If you’re coming from other, let’s say more normal Colombian locations en route to Venezuela and you decide — unlike the majority of tourists — to stay here for a night or two, it’s an ideal spot to give you a small taste of what’s to come across the border. Just a very small taste, though. 

That’s because no place in Colombia could really get you ready for the illogical madness that is Hugo Chavez’s Bolivarian Republic. Countdown’s dictionary corner couldn’t solve that conundrum.

One thing that does stand out here, readying you for Venezuela — apart from the rubbish that is — is the prevalence of those antique monster Buick-styled Chevrolet cars. It’s like you've stepped back in time — a town full of gas guzzlers from the 1970s, perhaps earlier. 

Speaking of the gas, most, if not all, of what these dinosaurs are burning is smuggled fuel from just across the border — a commodity that is far cheaper in Venezuela. Indeed, you’ll be hard-pressed to find a legitimate gas station here, there’s no market for one. 

As regards the cars, it has to be said that most are Venezuelan-owned. If you are hitting for the frontier don’t miss out on the chance of being chauffeured in one of these beauties.

No not Mecca, it's Maicao.

A very appealing aspect of Maicao is the fact that it doesn’t get many outsiders and thus, just like Turbo last week, the people appear to be more genuine and friendly. 

Rather than hunt down the "wealthier" foreigners for their money as is the case in many other spots, the locals here will actually buy you drinks as we found out to our pleasant surprise. 

We won’t let the fact that the beer – the most popular being the deceptively strong Venezuelan brewed Polar – is a giveaway $1,000 Colombian pesos (about €0.40 cents). Like most things here, as cheap as you’ll get anywhere in the country. Every little helps, as Tesco would say. 

Another thing that will catch your eye — oddly so for a place of this size in a predominantly Christian country — is the strong Muslim population in existence. 

In fact, one of the first mosques in Colombia was built here in 1997 by Arab settlers. They started coming to the area in the 1970s when Venezuela’s oil industry was booming, setting up as merchants and have now become just another part of the community fabric. 

In unison with many other towns and cities in these parts, there are plenty of street dogs about the place, each doing their bit to mop up the rubbish. 

However, they’ve got competition in this regard from a rather strange source for an urban setting: cattle. Yes, that’s right, our bovine, milk-producing friends. 

When the sun goes down apparently it’s not uncommon for a few cows to come wandering into the town centre pilfering the day’s leftovers. Plus, from what we witnessed, it leaves a question mark over the species' reputed herbivore status in the animal world.

'I'd murder a beef burger right now.'

All this in a place that doesn’t get the tourists coming in droves and we haven’t even mentioned the juicy part yet. On our first day here a man was shot dead, apparently for not paying his bills — that’ll teach him. Residents assure us that it was a once-off, local dispute and nothing to be concerned about. We’ll take them at their word on that one.

So for another one of Colombia’s semi-hidden "gems", Maicao does nicely. At the very least it gives you a small hint of what to expect a few miles away in Venezuela. Without, that is, having to go the significant cost and bother of going there.