'Mi amor'. Or perhaps not?

There is that old saying that actions speak louder than words. In most cases it holds true. In the game of love, you would think this is especially so. It’s relatively easy to utter the words ‘I love you’, but to actually mean it, backed up by deeds, is a different thing entirely. 

'Mi amor'. But where are you?

In Colombia, however, that doesn’t seem to be the case. Romantic sound bites are all the rage here. Both sexes roll them off the tongue effortlessly and there are many to choose from — mi amor (my love), mi vida (my life), mi cielo (my heaven/sky) to name just some.

Harmless stuff, you might say, and in essence it is, if you don’t take it seriously — a good rule-of-thumb that for most relationship-related things in this country. But for somebody who likes to live an honest life, the emptiness of such pronouncements is a tad nauseating. 

We can certainly play the game — to pick up, there tends to be no alternative option. It doesn’t take away from the fact, though, that it is all usually meaningless. 

This shouldn’t surprise us, however, as a number of Colombian women are about as shallow as the Pacific Ocean is deep. Image and posturing is everything. And when they decide they want to hang with a guy for a period of time, they must be fretted over constantly. 

In fact, their actions give a lot of support to the notion that equality between the sexes is a pointless pursuit. Where’s the equality when the man pays for everything?

In our ‘Colombia’s false friends’ post a couple of weeks back, we spoke about the two extremes you get in women’s behaviour here: The aloof type who you won’t hear from for weeks on end; or the ones who expect you to be on-hand 24/7 to cater for their every need. 

It must be pointed out here that these characteristics are not mutually exclusive. 

Indeed, if you find yourself on the receiving end of the cold-shoulder treatment, it more than likely means that your little chica is all over somebody else. Like a good dog, though, she’ll come back to you — for a time. 

Until, that is, another one of her grandmothers is dying, yet again. Something that might lead to your removal as a friend on Facebook. It’s an obvious reaction, right? Your grandmother has died so you delete your Irish ‘friend’ from a social networking site — a logical part of the mourning process that.

So little wonder that many Colombian men have a few women on the go at once. Not to do so is just plain unwise. 

It’s a bit of a vicious — or benign, depending on how you look at it — circle in operation. The women have such unrealistic demands and expectations, coupled with acute jealousy and insecurity, that they invariably push their man away, thus giving credence to the belief that the men are unfaithful. The lack of trust on all sides is palpable. 

One of the big problems is that relationships tend to start off at an unsustainable breakneck speed, meaning fatal crashes are habitually inevitable. The softly-softly approach doesn’t come into it whatsoever.

Now, after a time both observing as well as getting our toes wet in a romantic context here in Colombia, the question of incompatibility comes into it. 

Are we just programmed so differently compared to the Latina locas that trying to engage in a meaningful relationship is a senseless practice? Well, that’s certainly one conclusion to be drawn from it all. 

Mary: Green light to infidelity.

However, in all the superficiality and frustrations of the dating game here, a much more honest issue raises its head. That is the belief that it’s just not feasible — or healthy — for human beings to ‘stick’ to one partner for life. It goes against our basic instincts. 

Are we living a lie trying to think differently, that you can be happily faithful to one partner for all your life? The evidence would indicate so. 

We’re not suggesting breaking up the family unit altogether, but perhaps the stigma attached to extra-marital affairs shouldn’t be as strong as it is in many Western societies. A change every now and again is good. 

In fact, being away from someone or something for a while often makes you realise how much you rely on and appreciate that person or thing. True love never dies and all that. 

Heck, even the ‘Virgin’ Mary got so frustrated with Joseph that she hopped into bed with God at the first opportunity — it seems an honest carpenter is no match for a man that has it all. Considering all the hassle that has followed, she probably wishes she hadn’t ‘transgressed’.

That aside, maybe we should all, quite literally, enjoy our ‘relationship-rides’ while they last. Just don’t get too caught up in it all. And perhaps it’s best to leave the love superlatives out.

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For a related piece, see 'The wages of love'.