Left misérables

We tend not to get too caught up in the left/right political tabs. It can be a bit simplistic to label somebody as purely leftist or rightist. 

Very often people display traits and have beliefs that come from both sides, regardless of how they may view themselves. Put it all together and a lot of the time they're closer to the centre than anything else. And we tend to find that's not a bad place to be.

At a national level, Ireland as a whole is generally seen as being slightly more left than right in the political spectrum whereas it's the opposite with Colombia. 

Of course, internally, for all countries, it's more complex and contested, but this overall perception is usually a good guide to a nation's psyche.

Chairman Mao: A barrel of laughs (from Wikipedia).

Nonetheless, and obviously enough, we do have those who not only see themselves as being 'hard left' or 'hard right' but they also conduct themselves in such a manner, contrived as it sometimes is albeit.

While we pretty much dislike fundamentalists of any type — they tend to be impossible to reason with, close-minded — extreme leftists are a particular case in point. The 'left misérables' (not to be confused with the more enjoyable Les Misérables) let's call them. And miserable in the English sense that is.

Now it would be fine, in theory anyway, if they went about their miserable existence on their own, yet they tend to try to want everyone to be miserable with them — or so it seems in any case. 'Happiness is a sin and the world must be rid of it', kind of thing.

We could look at it along the old Catholic versus Protestant lines. The traditional misery that the Catholic Church brought upon its flock contrasted with the Protestant individual 'freedom' to work and accumulate wealth; it's OK to smile (as long as you're working and making money).

The extreme leftist types are like those pious Catholics from times past: hardship and pain, the cornerstones of life. 

A big difference, though, is that this belief system is accompanied by an amount of aggression — in a verbal and virtual (keyboard warrior) way if not always physical. Plus, these types come across as quite mean-spirited.

For sure the world is far from perfect. We've terrible inequality, rampant corruption, senseless violence and so on. 

The majority wish it wasn't so and some of us try to make it better in whatever way we can. Doing that with a positive attitude, a happier disposition even in the face of adversity, generally garners better results.

Why not give it a go, left misérables? Who knows, you might even start to enjoy life. Perish the thought, eh?
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Introducing "our" Colombia

We all, those of us with links to the place at least, have our own views about Colombia and what it represents. There are, obviously enough, many ways to look at it.

Nonetheless, however you view it, do remember that it is ColOmbia not ColUmbia. For a country with so much to offer and seemingly growing ever more popular by the day, some outsiders still can't spell it correctly. Hence the line 'The only "u" that should be in Colombia is you.' Clever enough stuff, eh?

So as a helping hand in this regard, taking each letter of the country's name, here we give our -- sideways, you might say -- take on what Colombia is for us.

Changua: Not everybody's favourite. (Photo by Jorvato, Wikipedia.)

C is for changua

Admittedly this isn't the first thing people think of when linking the letter 'c' to Colombia. Most would more than likely go for the country's world-renowned coffee. (No? What were you thinking of, then?)

Yet, we're plumping for changua here, not only because we find it delicious, especially in combating a hangover (on the rare occasions we have one), but also because not many outsiders will know about it.

In fact, the changua we love -- a couple of cracked eggs cooked in milk with bread, cilantro (coriander) leaves, a bit of onion and perhaps garlic, ideally some cheese melted in as well, with salt to taste -- is pretty much a Bogotá speciality. It's hard to get that exact mix on offer in other parts of the country.

For most who haven't tried it, it sounds revolting. We have to admit, we thought the same. But it works, and works wonderfully if you ask us.

O is for office

One of the 'offices' ...

We've had a few offices scattered around the capital; they've generally depended on where we've been living at the time.

Basically, we're on about panaderías, the bog(otá)-standard bread and coffee shops. Delightful places to get an affordable coffee with milk (a perico) and snack-sized portions of fresh bread, all the better when they're just out of the oven. We call them the office as we tend to spend a good deal of time in them, be it to do some writing or other work, or simply just to chill out.

Giovanni's on Calle 32 just up from Carrera 5 in La Perseverancia (see below) remains a favourite even though we now live miles away from there. Max Pan in Barrio Santandercito and Vicky's in Barrio Nueva Zelandia are new regulars in our current north Bogotá base.

Lost City

L is for Lost City (Ciudad Perdida)

Colombia's Machu Picchu so to put it, but somewhat quainter and allegedly older. It's now over eight years since we visited this ancient indigenous settlement hidden away (well, not quite now!) in the Sierra Nevada de Santa Marta jungle off the Caribbean coast, yet it left a lasting impression.

Things might have changed a little since then, but we found the three-day trek to reach it more authentic, and certainly far less congested, than the more celebrated Inca ruins. While we're due a return, there remain other popular and not-so-popular beauty spots that we've yet to visit here; 'a lot seen, a lot more to see'. All in its own good time.

O is for Ordóñez

An important 'o' this, insofar as some people put a 'u' in here. Don't. That's a different place.

So rather than 'u for Uribe' we've got 'o for Ordóñez', the nation's former inspector general who's now a 2018 presidential candidate.

As mentioned in a previous post, in many ways Alejandro Ordóñez represents traditional Colombia, so he's worthy of inclusion here. That and the fact that of the country's political big guns, he's one of only a couple we've met, briefly as it was.

M is for mujeres

We could have used 'c' for chicas, but changua is far more important (and rewarding). So we'll mention the women, 'mujeres' here.

Colombia, of course, is well known for its beautiful women, but that beauty often comes at a price, in all sorts of ways. This is certainly the case for the majority of the ones we've tried to woo anyway.

We've practically written the book on that in a host of previous blog posts (you can start with 'Ignoring is bliss' and work back from there), so we'll say no more, other than try not to take things too seriously if you do get involved on this score. It's better in the long run.

B is for Bogotá

An obvious one, but it has been the base of our Colombian operation and it's a city that still exerts a strange hold on us.

When we do eventually leave the place, there are lots of things we'll miss. They're just not always easy to point out.

I is for IQuiz "The Bogotá Pub Quiz"

Self-serving this may be, but we're talking about our experiences in the almost six years we've been here, and IQuiz has played a significant part. Put simply, our labour of love.

Best buddies!

A is for Abril 

No, we're not referring to the month of April, which is abril in Spanish. We're on about the surname Abril, and more specifically our good friend Fernando Abril.

For sure, Colombia has many amazing and unique things going for it, but as in many walks of life, it's often the simpler ones that matter most.

In this regard, Fernando, his small tienda and a number of the clientele in the not-quite-salubrious surroundings of La Perseverancia have been a memorable find.

Yes, in other barrios we've found similar places, but Fernando's and the folk of La Perse are the original, the first 'true love' so to put it (with a worthy mention of a bar up Barrio Egipto way, the precursor to La Perse in a sense).

So that's 'our Colombia', one version of it anyway. Each to their own and all that.

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Colombia's 'No Dar Papaya' School of Motoring

It's perhaps stretching it somewhat to say that how people drive gives a true reflection of their personality. 

This appears even more so the case when otherwise friendly, generally polite people turn into nothing short of aggressive lunatics when they get behind the wheel. A sort of Michael Schumacher in his heyday mixed with The Incredible Hulk, something along those lines.

You'll get this, what we'll call character aberration with many Colombians. Nice people in so many facets, yet when they sit into a motorised vehicle they transform into quasi-kamikaze pilots (of course, this isn't unique to here, but we're looking at it from a Bogotá perspective for this particular piece).

It's a battlefield out there ...

As much as an anomaly as it may seem, it does fit in with one cultural trait, the 'No dar papaya' mentality. Basically, on the highways and byways this manifests itself into, 'I shall not give an inch of space because if I do, there'll be somebody waiting to take full, merciless advantage.'

Hence the driving at breakneck speed up to a vehicle stopped ahead or traffic lights that have been clearly red for some time. 'What?! Go through the gears and slow down gradually. You must be mad! We'll be overtaken by all and sundry.' The sad part is, this is true.

It's usually the privately-owned public service vehicles — the few old-style buses that are still plying their trade and the yellow taxis — that are seen as the chief culprits in this. 

They're certainly masters of it, but the drivers of the public-private transport system, the Transmilenio and SITP, are no slouches either. 'To heck what you paying passengers think, you're in my reckless hands now guys.' 

(A note on the taxi drivers here: Some get themselves into a hissy fit if you don't close the door in the calm manner they want, an almost impossible feat, yet they proceed to drive the car like a weapon of mass destruction.)

Now, whatever about not respecting your fellow warrior motorists, those also behind the comfort of metal and glass that is, giving scant regard to those on foot is taking it to another level. 

Either we've got many colour blind drivers here (that would explain a lot) or they just don't really care about those annoying human obstacles trying to cross the street, regardless whether the pedestrians have the right of way or not. Unfortunately it's more the latter case.

Didn't you know the streets are first and foremost motorist territory? No? Well you'd better learn quickly.

For sure, drivers here have genuine grievances; there's the very poor state of many of the main arteries, a lack of efficient traffic management and security issues, to name some of those problems. In such an environment, we can understand a bit of road rage, to a point.

Yet, some motorists could try to bring just a modicum of that more laid-back nature they have in other facets of life when they go driving. 

Both your vehicle and other road users will thank you for it.
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The Pastrana-Uribe alliance: Colombia's path to 'redemption'

For many of the old and not-so-old bearded lefties, both men and, um, women, it's a nightmare scenario. A presidential candidate under the auspices of former heads of state Álvaro Uribe and Andrés Pastrana sweeping to victory in next year's election.

The two ex-presidents, anti the peace deal with the Farc that's currently in operation, have come together in a grand alliance of the winning 'no' side in last year's referendum on the peace accords. The far-too-liberal agenda must be checked, the Good Ship Colombia needs to return to calmer waters, and these doyens of the country's politics can guide her there.

It's not clear at this remove who'll be the actual face on the ballot paper, the Pastrana-Uribe puppet on a string so to put it, but with the big guns in his (it's sure to be a man) corner, it practically doesn't matter.

The likely lads: Uribe (l) with Pastrana. (Photo from Facebook.)

Now, while we've written here before that when it comes to genuine choice in Colombian elections it's generally la misma mierda ('the same sh*t') whatever you're having, there might just be merit in the 'new, old way' with Messrs Pastrana and Uribe. Here's why:

A firm hand

Let's be honest, if you give sneaky characters an inch, they'll take a mile and then some. In these parts, we've plenty of such types from all walks of life. From a political perspective, some of those dastardly ex-Farc lads are now trying to pass themselves off as honest politicians alongside other leftist relics looking to impose their far out ideas on the country.

It's not exactly a case of nipping this in the bud as it's been going on throughout President Santos' stewardship, but the Pastrano-Uribe ticket can stop the rot. The old Uribe line was, 'A firm hand, a big heart', so it's time we saw that firm hand again (it's better not to ask how firm that hand might be; rest assured it will take no prisoners when needs be).

Sure Colombia could do with a bit of population pruning; look no further than these guys for that.

The Lord is my shepherd

Not only does the country appear to be floating more towards nasty socialism akin to the mess that is Venezuela, but it also seems to be becoming more secular.

The fundamentalist Catholic candidate Alejandro Ordóñez provides one anecdote to that, but Pastrano-Uribe may just have a broader, whisper it, 'sexier' appeal.

The papal visit later this year is set to ensure that Colombia's religious fervour gets a good shot in the arm as well, not that it really needs it (as hypocritical as it tends to be all the same).

Religion still matters here and Pastrano-Uribe has that base covered as good as the best of them.

More Maduro than Maduro himself

Speaking of Venezuela, we've the Nicolás Maduro factor next door.

The Pastrano-Uribe alliance could be seen as fighting fire with fire to tackle the firebrand, if rather clownish, premier. Counter one idiotic proposal or statement with another. The perfect blocking tactic. Genius.

Tweet like Trump

You can't be a top president nowadays, so it goes anyway, without being a dab hand at the old Twitter machine.

In this regard, Álvaro Uribe even out trumps Trump — indeed, it might have been Uribe who The Donald took inspiration from. He's been shooting off (careful now) controversial, divisive tweets for years. No doubt he'll be extolling the virtues of such a strategy to his anointed one for this election.

It's not enough to be a real-life bloody commander, you've got to be a virtual killing machine these days, too.

Whatever the case, there certainly shouldn't be a dull moment with the Pastrana-Uribe alliance in the mix in the run-up to round one of the presidential election next May. Just sit back and enjoy the ride we're all going to be taken on; there's not much else we can do.
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