Forever friends

‘Better the devil you know than the one you don’t.’ 

When it comes to women, perhaps the majority of the time it’s better no devil at all. But we all have needs to satisfy – can’t live with them, can’t live without them and all that. 

We have, though, become a little bit tired of meeting new women and building from scratch in terms of friendships and/or relationships. Perhaps the country we’re in with its blasé attitude in a number of quarters towards those lesser-spotted friendships/relationships is playing its part in our less than enthusiastic desire to go in search of new ones (see ‘Colombia’s False Friends’ http://bit.ly/LbcE9V). 

Also, while being close to your family is generally something to be encouraged, sometimes in these parts that proximity can be a little bit claustrophobic in a sense, making it difficult to build outside friendships.

Family as friends - not always a good mix.

In terms of both sexes, we do, of course, have some very good Colombian friends here to bolster our expat buddies but our policy now resembles at times a-what-we-have-we-hold strategy. That may seem like quite an unsociable approach but, as a rule, it takes us time to build good, trustworthy friendships. 

We have a lot of acquaintances and people whose company we enjoy from time to time – but those who make it onto the "true friends list" are few. Now, there’s nothing startling in this, it’s human nature really. 

What’s more, generally speaking, men tend to be able to build a larger base of loose friends compared to women but can very often be quite solitary when it comes to having tighter bonds.

Building genuine, trusting friendships can last a lifetime. Therefore, as a race we tend to gravitate towards familiar, similar characters – people we feel we can relate to better. This is not to say that these kinds of individuals will become true friends but there is perhaps a higher chance that they will.

Wilde knows best.

This brings us on to what exactly the definition of a true friend is. For us, it’s somebody who is honest and trustworthy, somebody who you can confide in and vice versa. 

Obviously, it has to be somebody whose company you enjoy, but this does not mean that you have to be in agreement with him/her all the time. Indeed, as the Greek writer Plutarch put it, ‘I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.’ 

Sometimes a person being honest with you is not always nice but in the majority of occasions it’s usually for the better. To further hammer home the point, ‘true friends stab you in the front’, as Oscar Wilde mused. They shouldn’t always be attacking you, though, needless to state.

Friendships should also be able to survive over distance and time. A good sign of being a true friend with someone is when you don’t see them for an extended period yet when you do eventually meet it’s like you had never been apart.

A similar fate awaits some false friends.

Now, it shouldn’t have to be said that being a true friend with somebody must be reciprocal in order for it to really work. It’s a two-way street where there is giving and taking throughout.

In a similar way, if a business person has a loyal customer, he/she should show signs of appreciating that loyalty in a tangible way. Alas, this doesn’t always happen (see ‘Doing Business in SA’ http://bit.ly/LVpK8p and ‘Bogotá’s simple pleasures’ http://bit.ly/Uzc3lk for more).

In our lives, we inevitably encounter characters who we wish we didn’t have to – be it at work, social events or whatever. You need to be able to park those kinds of people, though; to leave them in your mental outhouse so to speak. Don’t dwell on them or let them occupy you – this is easier written than realised, of course, but it can be done. Cut the deadwood and the negative influences from your life.

So as 2013 gets up and running, we’re going to continue to strive to surround ourselves with people we can trust. 

We are aware, however, that not everybody who is willing to stab us in the front is a true friend. It’s good to keep that in mind.