The quiet man conquereth

@wwaycorrigan

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'Beware the quiet ones.'

Considering this saying has achieved adage status, there must be at least some modicum of truth to it.

Keeping oneself to oneself is often the best strategy for resolving disputes.

'You say it best when you say nothing at all'

Of course, not all quiet types need to be treated with caution. From boisterous barroom banter — or in a standard Colombian setting, trashy tienda talk — to a monotonous management meeting and much else besides, there are those who simply don't want to engage in whatever conversation is taking place.

This doesn't mean that they're planning treachery or suchlike. Most likely, they just want to keep themselves to themselves and wish everyone else would do the same. Or, if it's a scenario where they are expected to engage, they may simply be a little clueless about the matter at hand or feel that no more needs to be said.

As somebody who frequently likes to use the aforementioned tiendas and my beloved panaderías — Bogotá's ubiquitous bakeries/cafés — to both unwind and ponder about life, at times I am one of the 'quiet ones'. But far from the menacing kind.

On such occasions, the only way I might become a threat is if somebody disturbs me. Keep your distance and all shall be fine.

'If it is terminal, then so be it. I'd prefer to be rid of such "friends" than keep up any pretence to the contrary.'

I do believe, though, some people get a kick out of interfering where they're clearly not wanted. An excuse can be made when alcohol is involved but when it's done in sobriety one is less understanding.

Martha the Jehovah's Witness who frequents my "office" panadería is a prime example. And it's not like I haven't been clear with her as to my thoughts about her particular faith.

Thus, rather than being wary of those who say little, I tend to have an amount of respect for them. It's like we have a mutual understanding when in each others' company. One innately knows when talk is permitted, for there is a time and a place for it. The blabberers, by nature, don't get this.

As for the "wary" side to this, giving a so-called friend who has angered or wronged you the silent treatment could lead to better outcomes than regular shouting matches.

It is said that women can be particularly adept at this tactic (although, they tend not to be bad at shouting, either). However, for most issues — especially so in romance — talking through a problem is better than ignoring it or being short with the injurious party in the hope that s/he will suddenly change.

Nonetheless, if the injured party constantly verbally attacks the perceived wrongdoer, an impasse can ensue.

Golden silence

Often, a more effective approach is to clearly explain the source of your ire, lay out how it can be assuaged, then leave it for a time whilst employing the quiet-man strategy, with the odd subtle reminder when needs be.

It's a move that is, for the most part, better suited to friendship problems rather than genuine romantic relationships. This is because, by its nature, it might sever the bond indefinitely. But if it is terminal, then so be it. I'd prefer to be rid of such "friends" than keep up any pretence to the contrary.

In fact, this largely irreversible result is the second of two main advantages of the silent treatment.

Preceding it is the opportunity it gives to de-stress somewhat. Regularly engaging in heated words, getting the blood up, takes its toll. OK, venting can be beneficial, too. But not when it's constant.

So playing the quiet man once you've explained the wrongs to the wrongdoer allows for a cooling-off period, so to put it. It's up to the "sinner" to make the next move.

Should none be forthcoming, this tells its own story; the relationship is on rocky terrain. You end it and either move on as completely as possible or pursue other methods to right wrongs.

Now, I am referring to situations where it's fairly obvious to all who is in the wrong. For example, lending money to somebody who fails to pay back within the agreed-upon timeframe. Yes, alas, I have experienced this.

It's not always so clear-cut, though, as to who's at fault; three sides to every story and all that.

Nevertheless, the quiet man, or at least the one who shouts least, is often the one who achieves more, gets more done.

So while it's not always necessary to beware the quiet ones, it is usually the case that those who make the most noise are but empty vessels.
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