South American solutions to Irish problems

Let’s face it. The Irish Government’s job plan isn’t exactly a roaring success. Well, unless part of this "plan" is to maintain the steady flow of emigration, while at the same time ensuring that those many jobless people who can’t leave the country have no other option but to draw the dole. We’ll give our knowledgeable politicians the benefit of the doubt on that one. 

We can, though, offer a few suggestions on how they could get the numerous unemployed back to work – or at least feel like they’re working for their social welfare. It’s a back-to-basics formula, loosely based on things we’ve witnessed here in South America and elsewhere.

Why pay for childcare? Just bring the kids with you to work.

Firstly, we’ll take a look at public transport. All mechanised methods of paying when you board a city bus should be dismantled and replaced with an actual person to collect the money, distinct from the bus driver. Such a system works swimmingly in many developing countries and is an instant job creator. 

Although we can’t mention the above without saluting the growing number of Colombian city bus drivers who double-job on this one. 

They somehow manage to keep their vehicle on the road (more or less) while at the same time collect and dish out the correct change to the never-ending stream of passengers, as well as looking after their offspring from time to time. It certainly brings into question the widely held belief that men can’t concentrate on two things at once. 

That aside, for job creation and considering the Irish authorities' love of all things health-and-safety related the two-person approach is the way to go.

Sticking with public transport, another potential growth area is the hiring of a number of "bus spies". This is essentially the placing of personnel in various parts of cities and towns to make sure bus drivers are sticking to their allotted route – not spinning off doing a few nixers. Something Irish bus drivers are renowned for, right?

In terms of traffic control – it used to be a problem in Ireland anyway – we should have either Gardaí or civilians directing flow at every major junction on a constant basis, regardless if there are traffic lights present or not. So instead of many of our police officers being pen-pushers, they can be out on the streets being "whistle-blowers" instead. Much healthier for them, that.

Hard at it: Bogotá's transport police.

Now, did you ever think how straightforward it is in Ireland to pop into a pharmacist and buy some toothpaste or deodorant? Almost too easy, isn’t it? We need to follow Chile’s three-pronged approach on this one, creating meaningful jobs to boot. 

Here’s how it works: 

First, you approach one member of staff to tell them what you want. 

This person will give you an invoice for your product at which point you proceed to the cash register personnel. Here you pay for your goods, after which you’ll be handed two copies of a receipt of payment. 

Finally, you make your way to another counter where you hand in a store copy of your receipt and promptly collect your purchase. 

Why do something in one small, swift step when you can prolong the experience? As the saying goes, ‘it's not about the product, it’s about the journey getting it.' Or something along those lines.

Another area worth looking at back home is how we operate our pubs/bars. Before we explain, we must concede that we’re not totally behind this measure as it takes away one of our favourite ‘spots’, but if it can create a few extra jobs, then we’ll grudgingly accede for the greater good. 

So, what you do is remove all bar stools and force patrons to sit away from the point of sale. You also prohibit people to purchase drinks directly at the bar. Instead, you hire runners to do all your table service. 

These people have small amounts of cash on hand for minor transactions but are not allowed direct access to the till, this being reserved for the owner or somebody of similar standing. Outside of the additional employment this would create, you’d also take away potential flashpoints at the bar. 

Of course, one of the many problems with implementing this in Ireland right now is that there’s hardly anyone in the pubs to serve. See our ‘An Irish Lament’ (http://bit.ly/MmS5bm) post from a few weeks back for more on that.

Delegates gathering for the Fianna Fáil Ard Fheis.

A further measure would be for Irish officials to turn a blind eye to corruption. 

For example, following Bogotá’s lead, government ministers could award lucrative public contracts to friends as opposed to those who are best equipped to do the job. That way work on essential infrastructure projects will more than likely go on longer than they should, thus prolonging tradesmen’s employment. 

It might cost the state more in the long term, but considering it’s Europe and the IMF that are actually paying most of our bills right now while our elected administration continues to flog the less well-off, it’s worth a try. 

Oh, wait, what’s that, we’ve been doing the corruption thing for years? Really, Bertie and Fianna Fáil? Heck, maybe we should consider bringing them back so?

Well, whatever the case, these are just a few simple ideas on how we can get Ireland working again. We won’t have it said that we’re just a cynical bunch here, always criticising but never coming up with worthwhile solutions. 

Enda, you know where to find us if you need help getting any of these off the ground. Always here to lend a hand.