The money tongue

“Those who can do, those who can’t teach.” Needless to say, that’s quite an arrogant, dismissive saying for all those honest, hard-working teachers who enter the profession, not as a fall-back, but for a genuine love of teaching. 

It’s also probably a safe bet that the person who first uttered those words never engaged in teaching him/herself. Just because you might be skilled at something does not necessarily mean you can pass those same skills on to others. 

Getting somebody to learn something generally requires completely different attributes than doing it yourself. As we often see, many of the best sports players don’t make good coaches. Roy Keane could tell you all about that, for one.

'What? You're saying I can't teach?'

 This whole teaching world was something that never really interested us, to be honest. But needs must and all that, so when you’re in a country – a continent even – where there is a massive, by and large misplaced demand for native English speakers to teach the language, it would be foolish not to ‘ride the wave’, for a time at least. Easy money, relatively speaking.

 

Not only that but since we’ve got into it, it has been pretty enjoyable. Being a facilitator for those who really want to learn (teaching English to business professionals is our primary work) is much different, we imagine, from teaching school kids, many of whom feel they’re in your company by force. 

Plus, when you get clients who have a fairly high level of English already and are just looking to brush up or have a regular conversation, it almost doesn’t seem like work – bar the early morning starts that is. 

In fact, with private students it can even become a little uncomfortable – sitting down having a loosely structured chat for about two hours or whatever and then taking their money at the end. 

So while there’s potentially more loot to be made directly from private tuition, going through a company/institute hides the mercenary element to all of this somewhat.

'Help! I said I didn't want to teach kids!'

Other advantages of teaching through a company or a school/university – the latter being even better for stability, pay and regular classes, if that’s your want – is that they will usually provide you with the material and obviously source the students/clients for you. 

Now, while having the teaching material provided may not be seen as a major bonus for many (although, we do like it), having the students sourced for you can take a lot of hassle and frustration out of your life. 

We have dipped our toes into the world of private lessons but getting consistent students is a problem. 

Mention that you teach English to many Colombians and they’ll practically jump all over you wanting to take classes. 

However, as is the case in most areas of life here, promises don’t count for much. So much so that we’re considering charging a consultation fee to anyone who even just casually broaches the idea of us teaching them. In this business, we can’t allow talk to be cheap. 

Having said that, and at the risk of writing ourselves out of work, we do believe, as mentioned in passing above, that the demand for native English speakers from many Colombians is, at times, misplaced. 

An unqualified native teacher is perhaps – this is, of course, all case dependent – not the best person to explain all the various rules of the language. 

For such types, speaking their native tongue comes naturally. 

So when faced with questions as to why we say things one way over another, the ‘official’ terminology or whatever, a native speaker is often dumbstruck. In such scenarios, a non-native teacher may be better equipped to explain the idiosyncrasies of the tongue in question. 

Essential English — no need or time for 'manure' talk.

Put it this way, if you decided to start taking lessons in Mandarin, it might be more prudent to initially have a teacher from your own country who never spoke the language and now speaks it well. 

He/she is generally best placed to know the potential pitfalls in learning and what the most confusing aspects of the language are – at least in the initial stages.

From our own perspective, however, we must be doing something right in this English teaching game – we still seem to be wanted anyway. 

At times, though, we feel we could – should even – be doing more and teaching less.

National interest?

To coincide with the London Olympics, Britain’s The Telegraph newspaper published a list of what it considers to be the ten worst national anthems in the world. 

Now, amazingly – well, perhaps not given the publication – ‘God Save The Queen’ didn’t make the cut. Come on, of all the people in the world who need saving, old pampered Elizabeth is not the top priority. Her British subjects, however, seem to think differently. 

One country’s national song that did make it onto the list – at number six, in case you’re wondering – was that of our current home, Colombia. 

This is something that hasn’t gone down too well with a number of the locals we met in the past week – that is those ones who feel part of this ‘Republic’ (see our ‘Whose Land Is It Anyway?’ at http://bit.ly/NQIsTr for more on that particular topic).

'Did you just criticise my country?' 'Sorry, I thought you wanted my opinion.'

In truth we can, sort of, understand the annoyance of some Colombians at this apparent affront to their national anthem (its name by the way is ¡Oh Gloria Inmarcesible!, Oh Unfading Glory!). It’s not that bad. 

Indeed, after you’ve heard it a few hundred times – by law it must be played on all the state’s radio and television channels at 6 am and 6 pm every day – the tune becomes quite catchy. 

Maybe, though, that’s just a result of intense exposure to it. We might begin to have similar feelings for the North Korean ditty – it topped The Telegraph’s list – if we heard it as often. OK, possibly not.

Outside of all that, this whole story has served to remind us of how passionate many Colombians are about their country. 

In many respects, this can be seen as a good thing, being proud of your nation, defending its honour. But like everything, it’s best in moderation. In its mildest form, nationalism can be blinkered and biased, in its extremist form it can be crushingly deadly – Nazism is all we need to mention here. 

Needless to say, Colombian patriotism is thankfully in the former category as is the case in most countries across the globe. But we should be at least open to a bit of constructive criticism from time to time. 

For some Colombians, however, just the slightest negative remark about their country is taken as a massive insult (for an example of what we mean, see, http://bit.ly/PxO5R8). The same can be said for many US citizens – the existence of this blinkered and biased nationalism.

'Never mind the rainbow, just look at that grey sky.'

In contrast, you’ve got the attitude of the majority of us Irish. Speaking positively about our country is practically frowned upon. 

We love to tell people how much of a mess it’s in – and it’s in a pretty big one. It’s not that we’re not proud of where we are from or don’t like it, it’s just we tend not to do hyperbole as the Yanks have perfected. 

In fact, we’re skilled in the exact opposite, making things seem far worse than they generally are. We talk down achievements rather than talk them up. Indeed, to that last sentence, our natural cynicism would ask, ‘What achievements?’ 

We are our own worse critics. To us, that’s a natural way to be. Anything else just smacks of arrogance – too North American or English. 

In a sporting context, for the fans at least, we believe this pessimism or cynicism or whatever you want to call it works well. Because our expectations are so low, when we do inevitably fail, we don’t get terribly upset. We just drink more and sing. Much better than the standard English reaction of rioting — isn't that right, Master Roy Keane?

Down & out, yet again.

Putting on, though, our ill-fitting ‘positivity hat’, we Irish, you have to say, have done quite well across the board, in relative terms. We just don’t brag about it. While this is a trait we tend to like, at times it can be self-defeating – especially when we go abroad, going up against other nationalities for jobs or whatever. 

Thus – if only for a time and for show – we have to learn to be a bit more boastful as to what we’re about. 

In fairness, we’ve done that pretty well through the years. Our international sporting excellence remains a work in progress, however.