Marketing matters

We don’t do generalisations here. No really, we don’t. However, if it so happens that we notice certain traits in some groups or nationalities, or whatever the case may be, we feel obliged to point them out. 

As far as we are concerned, when person after person from a particular sect behave in the same manner, making assumptions about their character becomes more acceptable.

Throughout our professional career we’ve had to deal closely with marketing people – or women, to be more specific. You can’t really avoid them when you’re working as a broadcaster as they normally have more of a say as to what gets aired than you do. 

We did, however, think, naively, that we wouldn’t encounter them working in the world of English teaching here in Colombia. Alas, no such luck. They just seem to follow us wherever we go.

An honest, hard-working female dog.

So, what is it about them? Why do they get under our skin so much? 

Well, firstly it must be said that on face value, they tend to be semi-attractive specimens. Initial encounters are usually positive – heck they come across as likeable, almost. But it’s not long before all that begins to change. Their personalities – or lack thereof – turn any superficial beauty well and truly on its head.  

For one, in both conversational and written English, they use a different language to us mere mortals. 

In an Irish context, even the healthiest of country accents is transformed into a posh, ‘D 4-ish’ (an area of Dublin, but its cringe-worthy characteristics are not geographically confined) drawl. We have it on good authority that similar transformations occur in these ‘mor-keting’ types across the globe. 

Then you have their love of acronyms. It’s neurotic to say the least. OK, the use of an odd one here and there isn’t that bad but these guys feel a need to put everything into a shortened form. They then expect you to fully understand what they just said or wrote. You’re obviously ‘stupid roight’ if you don’t get it.

Nazi Marketing - Goebbels in his prime.

Now, we’re not sure when the word ‘bitch’ was first used to describe some women, but no doubt a marketing-type was the initial recipient of the snide remark. Not that it would faze them. They are masters of the verbal put-downs. Indeed, playing them at the same game is a futile exercise – there will only be one winner.

All of the above, of course, fast tracks them to positions of power in their particular business/organisation in no time at all. If they’re not actually running the show then they’ll be the head honcho’s number one go-to girl for all company matters – and perhaps some extra-curricular activities to boot. They’ll do anything to have a bit of power firmly within their grasp.

You must remember that all this is only evident when you’re working for the same company as them. That is when you’re not a potential client or of any worth as far as they’re concerned. 

Because if you happen to be of value to them then they’ll make you feel very special - very special indeed. Many have perfected their art to such a degree that you may even think they’re human. Do not discount the power of years of marketing indoctrination. Joseph Goebbels in his prime wouldn’t do half as good a job.

'Tea for everyone.'

Of course, as you know, we always like to find positives even from the direst of situations. 

In this context, difficult as it may be to find any, we’re glad to state we have one. On rare occasions – if you’re lucky – a number of our marketing ‘friends’ do make a fine cup of coffee. 

It’s a modicum of proof that they do hold on to some of the finer feminine characteristics – knowing what to do in the kitchen. Perhaps they’re a dab-hand at ironing, too? OK, let’s not get too greedy.