Eur-out

Citizens of Ireland, arise from your slumber. It’s now fully clear, Europe doesn’t want us anymore, as if it ever really did. 

If it wasn’t pretty clear already as to the continent’s feelings towards us, events of the past few weeks have spelt it out in no uncertain terms. 

What the Reich thinks of us & the rest of its 'Empire'.

Remember just last month the Irish electorate – well, those remaining in the country who bothered to vote – gave both the euro currency and EU itself a significant shot in the arm by endorsing the Fiscal Treaty in a referendum. It was a straight forward yes – not one of those nos that means a yes á la the Nice and Lisbon treaties. 

As all our main political parties assured us in the lead up to the vote – bar Sinn Féin and a few other weird lefties – a big thumbs-up would win us brownie points on the ‘mainland’ (that’s Europe we’re referring to here, not Britain, as some Shinners may think). 

But what happens? Well, our first dining at the top table of European soccer since 1988 – where it’s really at – sees us suffer a humbling 3-1 reverse to Croatia. This is a country, bear in mind, that’s not even a fully-fledged European Union member. Come on, they might as well have just given our place at the finals to that most European of countries, Israel. 

That’s followed swiftly by a 4-0 thrashing from a country that has a much worse debt problem than us, Spain. 

Sport often tends to be more blunt and honest than most other walks of life. The message is clear – and don’t be fooled into thinking that it’s just soccer related. ‘We’ve had enough of these Irish alcoholics pretending to be part of Europe; the game is up lads’. Time to exit stage left. 

Who wouldn't like these guys? Europe just doesn't get it, eh?

The rot, however, has been setting in for some time. We should have really jumped ship after the ‘Hand of Henry’ incident in Paris (see: http://bit.ly/NruJT9). Loyalty gets you nowhere; just ask any married couple about that. 

It’s not all sporting signs, though. Even when we shower them with love, no less than two years in a row, in the shape of Jedward at Eurovision, they give us the proverbial two-fingers. Do you think the United States or even China would flatly reject such wooing? Of course not.

We can go further back if you want. For one, the Romans never wanted us. Yet for centuries we’ve been pledging our allegiance firmly in that direction – a one-way relationship if there ever was one. 

There’s more. How many times did we send SOS calls to our Catholic neighbours in France and Spain when Protestant Britain was laying siege to our land? Too big a number to go through here, that’s for sure.

And what help did we get? A few half-hearted attempts at sending military reinforcements, nothing more. 

Contrast this with Dermot MacMurrough’s call for assistance to Strongbow in the 12^th century. It was the start of a long-lasting, ahem, friendship with our neighbours across the Irish Sea. A friend in need and all that.

Some of our strongest assets - red heads & cattle.

Now, in case you thought we’d forgotten, the never-put-a-foot-wrong Germans, our current masters, aren’t without fault either; bombing poor little neutral Ireland’s capital city during World War Two. 

What did we do in return? Send our condolences to the German Embassy in Dublin on the news of the noble Herr Hitler’s death. Talk about setting a precedent for being a soft touch. 

'They may take our freedom but they'll never take our cattle!' 'What's that? They already have?!'

So let’s stop deluding ourselves – trying to be part of something that we’re plainly not. 

We have options. The Yanks would surely accept us – all we’d have to do is go back to living in thatched cottages and replace all those leaving the country with more cattle and sheep, thereby bringing back the traditional Irish traffic jam. 

We could, though, look east instead. That should at least ensure an easier qualifying route to the Fifa World Cup. Should, that is. 

In any case, if things were going awry against Asian opposition, we could always throw on Paul McShane. Our friends from the Orient would then be too busy trying to get a photo of his flowing ginger locks rather than worrying about football. 

As many an Ulsterman has been trying to tell us for years: We must utilise our orange power.

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For more on the way things currently stand for the Republic of Ireland, check out this very informative video: http://www.rte.ie/sport/player/#!/clip/820/