Ignoring is bliss

As the old saying goes, 'Ignorance is bliss.' 

While there may be times when this is not the case, more often than not it holds true. You can't really get upset, worry, whatever, about something you are completely unaware of.

Yet these days, with information available at the touch of a button or the slide of a screen for many of us, it is difficult, in theory, to be ignorant. 

Fair enough, the information we get might not be truthful, but the fact remains that it can be rather easily found on pretty much any subject, at any time.

It's not worth it, lad! (Image from wikihow.com.)

Thus, in this information-rich age, the adage could be tweaked a little to, 'Ignoring is bliss.' 

From a news point of view, what we're getting at here is not complete ignoring per se (although, at times, this could be a good tactic), it's to be more questioning of what you read and hear. Don't take things as 'gospel' just because they come from an approved source. We've plenty of recent examples that underscore the value of such an approach.

In another sphere, ignoring isn't just a good option, it's the only option. What we're referring to here is when you're trying to move on from what has proven to be a failed relationship. 

In the past, time and/or distance was probably enough for you to more or less permanently close a chapter of your life with someone with whom things just didn't work out. 'Out of sight, out of mind', so to put it.

However, the problem today is, in the absence of taking the step to delete every social media contact you have for the person in question — a measure some of us are too, um, proud to do — putting someone you once had some feelings for completely out of (virtual) sight and, as a result, mind is very difficult to do.

Indeed, this becomes nigh on impossible when that other person makes contact every now and again, engages for a while, then disappears. (So even if you have deleted her contacts across all platforms, she can still pester you.) 

It's similar to, you could say, the old prank of ringing somebody's doorbell and then running away. It's a trait that, from personal experience and anecdotal evidence, a significant number of Colombianas display.

One can only assume they get some sort of odd enjoyment out of it, like the doorbell-ringing young children. Immature it certainly is in any case — and a lot of the time we're talking about university-educated, professionals here. (Then again, that doesn't necessarily mean much; some behaviours run deep in the blood.)

The best, nay only, defence strategy in such a silly game, therefore, is our refusal to engage — regardless of how superficially beautiful the one we're (not) dealing with is. 

That is to say, to ignore. Not to do so means we're only on to a frustrating loser.

*For a related article, see Defenders of the unfaithful.
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Light-touch romance

The Wrong Way approach to dating, or more appropriately trying to set up dates, has been to follow in some ways the economic policy of light-touch regulation. A laissez-faire style; beating about, um, the bush rather than grabbing it by the hands you could say.

In one sense it's a personality trait. If a woman doesn't initially take the bait so to put it, the desire to persist quickly wanes. One doesn't want to come across as desperate after all; pride is at stake.

'So you're telling me there's a chance?!' Um, perhaps not ... (Image from wikihow.)

Yet, we are talking about the game of love, or at least a game of attraction, and in Colombia they like to play it as much as anywhere, if not more so (well, some sort of version of it anyway). And once a Colombiana feels she has the upper hand, you're entering into dangerous territory. 

Indeed, in many ways, the game is up. (And do recall there is the Colombian princess mentality, with a vicious streak, that has to be factored into this also.)

So basically, that's why I try not to engage in it too much. Something either happens early doors or it doesn't happen at all; case closed, you move on (save for the odd ill-advised late night WhatsApp/Facebook message).

Further to that, as an expat acquaintance here mused to me — and I apologise in advance for the crudeness of this — 'once you tap a hole, you're in control', so the longer that doesn't happen the greater the chance of things getting out of hand. That theory may require more in-depth analysis but let's leave that for now.

Thus, putting all that together, there have been a number of doors left slightly ajar but not "aggressively" pursued. An interest is shown, yet not to the point where you're jumping through fire rings to demonstrate your desire. As the pop group the Black Eyed Peas put it, 'meet me halfway', por favor.

Yes, there are always the thoughts that a new strategy might be needed; after all, one definition of stupidity is repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting different results. 

However, this is balanced out by the feeling that this is how I roll and while things could always be better, they're not too bad at the moment either. I'm relatively in control.

*There are plenty of previous posts that relate to what's here, but one place to start is Love fool.
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Honouring honesty

A friend asked me the other day, 'What makes you angry the most?' I chewed on it for a while and spat out a few things. There was, though, a common thread to them all: People not being honest. For I believe that I am, largely speaking, an honest person and I expect others to be the same with me.

Benjamin Franklin: 'Honesty is the best policy.' (Image from FB.)

It’s pretty accurate to say that you’ll find dishonesty at the root of most grievances people have with each other. This is especially so when it comes to relationship affairs (or non-affairs as they often are) and areas related to work.

The truth tends to out at some stage, so isn't it best to run with it from the get-go?

Take a potentially budding relationship, or budding in the eyes of one side anyway, as an example. If you're the non-interested party, say it. Don't string the thing along when you've no genuine interest in it.

Now, one positive angle such carry-on could be viewed from is that there's a fear in the unenthusiastic one of hurting the other's feelings. And with today's modern communication means, being a virtual friend without ever truly engaging has never been easier. So a 'friend game' can be played and maintained for some time.

However, it will come to a head, this being more so the case if a romantic notion of where things were going existed in the 'injured' party.

Plus, the more negative view is that people who engage in this behaviour are doing so for wholly selfish reasons: Keeping their options open, looking for attention, a feeling that they only need to click their fingers, or more precisely touch their keypads, in order to bring somebody back into their sphere of influence, these are the kind of things we're talking about here.

It's something I've witnessed and experienced with women in this part of the world with worrying regularity — but, of course, it's not exclusive to here (I’ve just personally engaged with Colombianas more than others in recent years).

Outside of relationships, practising a bit of diplomacy, or being economical with the truth, can have its benefits. Indeed, in some scenarios, if just for a time, it may be the best course of action.

But saying yes when you really mean no or you haven't a clue, can't be condoned.

Take this example from one of Colombia's telecommunications providers, ETB. The company, for months, continuously promised one of its customers a higher-speed internet connection. Eventually, after a lot of time wasted, the customer was told that this couldn't actually be provided.

Granted, there are a few issues at play in the realms of customer service, or lack of service as it is, and dishonesty may not be the biggest culprit.

The truth can hurt, or at least shock. (From reddit.com.)

Yet, effectively you had people saying yes to something when in reality they didn't know what the situation was.

In a Colombian context, a local friend here described it as 'appeasing out of fear in what is an insecure nation.' And it comes from the top, down. There's a belief that if you tell people what you think they want to hear, it makes things all the better. Of course, in the long run, it usually has the opposite effect.

It's not for nothing the saying 'honesty is the best policy' came into being. It does, however, appear easier to utter than put into practice for some people.