Manizales: Bien pueda

'Manizales, el mejor vividero del país.' So runs the slogan on the city's tourist map. It basically means it's the best place to live in Colombia.

It's a bit of a statement to make in a land that has an abundance of natural beauty spots. What Manizales claims to have, however, is more than just the impressive, hilly, landscape it's set in.

Hilly setting.

As one of Colombia's more moderately-populated department capitals, getting around the place doesn't tend to be a headache. 

Indeed, it can be navigated easily enough on foot, if you don't mind the steep inclines and declines, that is. (On the commuting front, a city that has a cable car service incorporated into its public transport system is always a little special for us.)

Its location in the country's famed and relatively well-developed Coffee Region (Eje Cafetero) boosts further its quality-of-living index. It's not an isolated outpost. Word on the street is that there's money floating about the place, there are employment opportunities, framed in a limited Colombian context as they must be.

Another bonus is that many everyday things are cheaper here compared to Bogotá.

On top of all this, not only are many of the locals friendly — something which can be said about many places in Colombia — the city also has, for the most part, a safe feel to it. This can't be said about some of the other big urban centres here.

For those who feel more at home living the 'high life' in the hills than by the beach, as we do, at 2,200 metres above sea level, Manizales certainly ticks that box.

When the sun shines it can get up to a satisfying 24 degrees Celsius or even a little more. At night, the temperatures don't drop as low as they generally do in the slightly loftier Bogotá.

As well as being in the Eje Cafetero, Manizales is also in Paisa Country. The home of the Paisas, those recognised as Colombia's more business-minded and industrious types, is regarded as Medellín.

We had a bit of a love-hate relationship with the country's second city, so it could be said Manizales offers Paisa living without the Medellín drawbacks.

The musical Manizales accent is, as far as we're concerned anyway, another pull factor. It's rather enticing.

City-centre cathedral. 

It could be said it has some sort of an Italian flavour to it. Whatever the case, it's certainly quite distinct from the plainer Bogotá tones.

On that Italian front, the fact that meatballs — albóndigas in the local tongue — are a staple cuisine here, might suggest some sort of previous connection. (A tenuous link it may be, but the Manizales and Italian flags use the same colours, albeit in a different order and direction. The city's football team, Once de Caldas, however, displays the green, white and red on its crest in the same way as Italy.)

Granted our week-long visit was over the Christmas holiday period, the city still seemed quite busy, yet with a relaxed vibe to it. We were assured this is how the place typically rolls.

Indeed, if one was considering a move out of the mayhem of Bogotá, Manizales doesn't seem like a bad option at all.

As the locals would say themselves to such an idea, 'bien pueda'. 'Well you can', indeed. 

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Colombia's locas

Of the many strange and wonderful things visitors and expats discover about Colombia, one of those is the various regional traits – quasi-subcultures if you will – that exist here. 

It’s not something you have to find out for yourself – although, spend enough time here and you undoubtedly will – as the locals are usually quick to fill you in.

'Rolo land' - twilight in Bogotá.

These subcultures are generally city or department confined (for the record, Colombia consists of 32 departments or departamentos in Spanish) and, at the risk of over-generalising, we tend to find that the characteristics associated with each region more or less hold true. 

Of course, you will find that the chief traits of one area are in existence in other locations, but perhaps just not to the same degree. 

A Colombian acquaintance summed up the most common of these regional behaviours thus:

Starting with the capital Bogotá, if you have three Bogotanos or rolos (rolas for women) as they are referred to, with you in a room, what happens? Well, they probably won’t talk to you and when you leave their company you’ll discover your mobile phone and other personal belongings have gone ‘missing’. 

As for the people from the country’s second city, Medellín, in the Antioquía department, find yourself surrounded by three paisas as they’re known and you’re in good business company. 

From the female point of view, they’ll also be fiercely attractive – now that’s saying something, considering this is Colombia – but, as we’ve found out to our cost, they might struggle to find their purse (see both ‘The wages of love’ http://bit.ly/MtWh7T & ‘Bienvenidos a Medellín – Bangkok Light’ http://bit.ly/N83NbB for related stories).  You don't get ahead in business by spending lots of money now, do you?

Get a trio of inhabitants from Colombia’s Caribbean coast, costeños, together and you’ll be partying and dancing non-stop, with the ladies suggestively rubbing their considerable posteriors in your crotch area. 

Apparently, even the region’s donkeys get to sample these erotic dances – even a bit more if they’re ‘lucky’.

There's much more to Santander than just the chicas.

The city of Cali’s good people (caleña(o)s) are best known for their sultry salsa skills – well they have to be good at something, right?

Then you have the santandereanas – that is the women who come from the department of Santander. 

In the words of our Colombian acquaintance – himself, we must point out, a santandereano – if you’re in the company of three of these ladies then you’ve got problems, big problems. In fairness, it only takes one to give you trouble, three is akin to a death sentence.

These are Colombia’s quintessential crazy ladies, locas. Again, that’s a big statement to make – it’s not like they don’t have much competition in this regard here. 

Now, being fiery and passionate as these santandereanas are doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. But these chicas have taken it to a degree that would see Jesus Christ himself reach for the shotgun after only a couple of days, if he survived that long.

If you’re contemplating dating one get ready for one of the most dramatic emotional roller coasters you’ll ever experience. OK, you might say that this is the case with women in general, but we’re referring to heretofore unprecedented levels of craziness here.

Personal experience of all this – not even in a dating sense at that – and the streams of anecdotal evidence from both Colombians and foreigners alike cannot be merely brushed aside as coincidence. So it is, Santander – the home of human ‘Black Widows’.

A Santand... ...er, sorry, a Black Widow spider.

Of course, as we always like to point out after making sweeping generalisations, there are, fortunately, exceptions. 

We have a small number of Santandereanas that we rate as good friends – trustworthy even. The fact that most of these spent some time outside of Colombia has obviously played a significant part in ‘normalising’ them – whatever that actually means. You know who you are.

So what about the perfect Colombian woman, based on the above? 

For us, it would be a paisa’s looks, the soundness of a caleña, a smidgen of santandereana passion and initial friendliness, a costeña's eroticism and rola, erm, daring.

We can dream, can’t we?

Bienvenidos a Medellín — 'Bangkok light'

As Colombia’s, officially speaking, second city, Medellín has plenty to offer. Indeed, for many visitors, it has no rival, not just in the country but even in South America. 

Dubbed the ‘City of Eternal Spring’, the climate is one of the most favourable you’ll get around these parts. The average annual temperature of 22 degrees Celsius ensures you don’t get the chills of Bogotá while it never gets as uncomfortably hot as it does on the Caribbean coast. 

This pleasant weather is thanks mostly to its position, 1,500 metres above sea level in the northern Andes, replete with a setting as stunning as any location across the globe. It has a relatively healthy mix of Western affluence and Latino colour while the city’s murky underworld past appears – on the surface at least – to have dissipated. 

Getting around the place couldn’t be easier with the very efficient integrated metro system. Indeed, we’re not aware of any other metropolis that offers a cable-car service as part of the everyday transportation system – a very cheap (less than US$1), safe and novel way to get stunning views of the city.

The high life: Medellin's cheap & efficient Metrocable.

All this and we haven’t even mentioned the natives, the ‘Paisas’ – for many, speaking from a male point of view, the main reason to come to Medellín and the surrounding areas. 

In a country famed for its gorgeous women, the Paisas are the crème de la crème - arguably one of the most attractive, distinct groups of people in the world. But what started out as a major pull factor, is now fast becoming a drawback for this beautiful city.

You see, once you’ve discovered you’ve got an asset, you can either nourish it or abuse it. Alas, for the Paisas, it seems a significant number is choosing the latter. It’s that age-old Latin American affliction – the desire for short-term gain to the detriment of long-term success. 

For many of Medellin’s stunning ladies, they’ve discovered there’s a quick buck to be made from their looks. So for a city that once prided itself on hard work and enterprise, many of its more prosperous barrios are following a more direct route to financial stability: sex tourism.

Of course, a market can only thrive if it has sufficient customers. This isn’t an issue here, especially considering Medellín’s relative proximity to the "big-money" players from North America. And once this industry kicks off – as any visitors to Thailand will tell you – it can be hard to curtail. 

Even if there is a genuine affection, a cash injection of some sort is expected. As far as the locals are concerned, not to do so would be criminal. In such an environment it is hard not to be cynical as regards finding true romance.

Now, not every Paisa woman is ‘playing the game’, so to speak. There is a handy scale in operation – not particularly Medellín specific – that’s worth bearing in mind:

At the lower end are the fours – these are your full-on prostitutes or pagadas, women you pay to accompany you for a period of time. This is a money-up-front job, no ambiguity here. 

Next, you have the threes – not quite prostitutes, but maybe more sinister. These will try to take money off you by stealth – for example, spike your drink and steal from you – and many are linked to Medellín’s mafia. You might "get lucky" once or twice with one of these, but they’re best to be avoided. 

The twos are less dangerous so to speak, but most in this bracket have a very hard time finding their purse. Plus, as far as these women are concerned, the idea of being faithful to somebody only exists in fairytales – especially if you are from the Western world.

Finally, we have the much sought-after, but lesser-spotted, ones. These tend to be from pretty well-off backgrounds and a little more conservative than the above. 

If you do manage to make it with a one, then you’ve pretty much made it. They’ll take you under their wing; insist on paying more than their fair share. Genuine sorts. A negative might be that they may try to over-mother you, but all done with the best of intentions.

As with any scale/theory, it’s open to interpretation and as ever there are exceptions for each category. However, it’s certainly a good guide to bear in mind. 

It was brought to our attention by the Basil Fawlty-styled owner of the delightful Arcadia Hostel in Medellín’s swanky Poblado district – an area renowned for its nightlife and the place where most tourists/extranjeros stay, making it the unofficial sex-tourism centre. 

Indeed, for many visitors on a short-term jaunt in the city, the party scene doesn’t go much further than there. If you get the chance, though, checking out some of the less-visited barrios is well worth it – things tend to be more authentic in such places, usually.

In any case, you’ve always got the cheap and cheerful Metrocable to enjoy.