Tobia or not Tobia?

Bogotá, as much as any big smoke (if not a little bit more than some) can get exhausting after a while. It's generally a good idea to get away from it all on a regular basis.

Now, considering I was out of it, and the country, for a whole five weeks recently, that I was happy to leave the city virtually as soon as I got back may not seem like I was completely at ease with my return.

Río Negro, Black River, Tobia.

There might be a half truth to that, but seeing how I was effectively homeless on my return plus the fact there was no immediate rush to get back to my, um, work here, taking the opportunity to check out a new, hotter and much quieter location didn't take much persuading.

And as has been detailed on this blog before, these type of more alluring places are dotted all around Bogotá. You don't need to travel far to escape the metropolis' madness.

This time around the venue was the small settlement of Tobia, tucked away at 800 metres above sea level off the main road between the towns of La Vega and Villeta, both of which I already explored earlier this year.

Downtown Tobia.

Tobia has been building itself up as an adventure sports/tourism destination for the last number of years now; a place to rival the more well-known San Gil. 

However, for both foreign and native holiday makers alike, it's not exactly the first place on the must-see list. In fact, you'll meet plenty of Bogotá locals who don't even know it exists, even though it's just a 90-minute drive north-west from the capital.

Nonetheless, from what I discovered during my midweek stay there, you'll do well to find as laid-back, tropical a setting, as this so close to Bogotá, with plenty of things to keep you active.

It offers pretty much all that the far popular San Gil does in terms of extreme sports — minus the steady stream of backpackers and associated hostels. 

Alongside rafting, kayaking, rock climbing/descending and the like, it has, so the locals say, the second highest zip line/canopy in all of Latin America. Whether it is or not, at over 200 metres above the village and the river it straddles, the Río Negro, gliding over in two separate lines at speeds of up to 40 mph, the canopy certainly has a James Bond feel to it. The views, if you're not too spooked, aren't half bad either.

For the more budget-conscious visitor or for those just not that bothered to do any of the paid activities, taking in the nature and vistas with a walk along the banks of the Río Negro, where its waters, in some spots, provide a refreshing dip from the heat, is well worth it.

Tobia's natural delights.

The village itself, midweek in any case, is as peaceful as you're likely to find. The Colombian standard of belting out vallenato or ranchero music to eardrum-breaking levels at any time of the day, even in the middle of nowhere, doesn't seem to exist. 

Indeed, at times it looks like there are more dogs than people, and those humans who are present tend to leave you to your own devices, apart from a few inquisitive, yet pleasant, children.

There are a number of accommodation options, with what appear like the more 'upmarket' ones located a short walk outside the village itself. My Dutch companion and I landed ourselves what must be the best spot in the actual village, Hotel San Pedro, for a very reasonable price. 

We had the place and its swimming pool to ourselves for the three nights we stayed, save for the sporadic interruptions of day trippers from Bogotá who breakfasted and lunched there.

From what we could gather, this is the weekday norm; day-trip visitors with very few outsiders overnighting it. It can be a different story at weekends, especially holiday ones.

That midweek tranquillity might change a little in the coming years. For when it comes to a quick overland escape from Bogotá, the message is slowly getting out that 'It's got to be Tobia.'
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San Gil: Taming Suárez

Our first visit, over two years ago, to what's seen as Colombia's adventure capital, San Gil, was very much a relaxed affair. On that occasion we had a thoroughly enjoyable time wandering about the rolling Santander countryside, which included taking in the quaint, period village of Barichara.

San Gil from the hilltops.

This time around, with the help of a good Dutch mate, we cranked up the adrenaline levels a few notches and sampled some of the reasons why the place is renowned for its extreme side. 

This started with an afternoon of getting a brief taste of varied activities including canopying and rappel, amongst others. For the price we paid (45,000 COP, roughly €20), it wasn't a bad deal.

The main event, however, was a rafting 'sojourn' down the famed Río Suárez; rated by many as second only in South America to Chile’s Río Futaleufú for its wild rapids. 

We had been forewarned not to over-estimate our talents mastering this waterway and that perhaps the gentler Río Fonce would be safer, less taxing and thus more enjoyable for all concerned. 

We’d also been told that those selling the excursion mightn’t be too bothered about our abilities, or lack thereof, in such an activity – Suárez costs more to do, so why scare people off and miss out on more plata (cash that is)?

Added to this, the day we tackled Suárez coincided with it being, according to our guides, in one of its roughest moods so to speak.

Now, as oft mentioned here, our ability in water is about as good as a handicapped cat. Yet, this doesn’t translate into any big fear of doing various aqua sports, especially when we have the safety of a life-jacket tied tightly around us. 

So we approached this undertaking with relative calm. Throw in the fact that our four on-raft guides and accompanying canoeist where putting their minds/senses at ease with a particular substance before we even started – something they also did mid-way through and at the end – made us feel that this wasn’t anything to get too worked up about. Perhaps that was all part of their plan.

'This will be easy.'

We did, though, do some head-scratching when a luminous wristband containing an emergency services phone number was put around us before the off. We wager this was to be of help to some passerby in case they found our unconscious, battered body – ‘a one-step guide on what to do if you find human remains’, in a sense. 

It was, however, valid for just one day. Sure you can’t be bothering emergency services with cases more than a day old, can you?

That aside, after a brief dry-run through the various call instructions by our skipper, the real action got off to a steady start. Although, the lads’ persistent criticism of our rowing ability was a little annoying at times – they were lucky they didn’t get an oar in the head at a few stages.

In any case, a little further on we all had greater things to concern ourselves with than getting hit in the head by somebody, accidentally or on purpose. That’s because Suárez began to show its teeth. And that meant us taking a dip – well, it was more like being in a washing machine on its final spin, we imagine – on more than one occasion. 

It certainly got the heart racing – the key being just to go with the flow and hope you don’t smash your body on a rock.

Having gone over a number of times, it was with a little trepidation that we approached the infamous La Fantasma*, The Ghost, section of the river. 

This is a decent sized stretch with powerful rapids where if you were to fall out early on, you’d be waiting some time and would have encountered a few hefty rocks before you floated to calmer waters.

Steady as she goes...

That our guides stopped to assess it before we went through and had the canoeist do a solo run also got us thinking: Should we pass on this one? 

We’d already had a good thrill, so why, quite literally, push the boat out further for something that looked like it could dangerously get the better of us? Heck, though, we’d gone this far, we might as well make the final push – get our money’s worth (you know how important that is to us).

If there was any doubt in our minds about how rough this part was, the sight of one of the guides blessing himself before we got going put it firmly into focus. His plea to the gods worked anyway. Well, maybe it was more a case of lots of luck mixed in with us working a bit better as a team that saw us through in one, whole piece.

So a few minor bumps and bruises apart and conveniently overlooking our earlier mishaps, we like to think we ‘tamed’ Suárez.

We certainly survived it anyway. Alas, there’s a lack of a T-shirt proudly proclaiming so.

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*For a look of us in action on 'La Fantasma', see http://youtu.be/J6T_BDVucJk. And for one of our 'overboard' moments, see http://youtu.be/pTBK0qqCa_g.

**More information on rafting and other activities in San Gil can be found from ‘Adrenalina’ at www.adrenalinasangil.com or by emailing adrenalina.sangil@hotmail.com.

***One pleasant budget accommodation option in San Gil is Hostal Le Papillon, hostallepapillon@hotmail.com. They also organise tours and various adventure sports.

Colombia's locas

Of the many strange and wonderful things visitors and expats discover about Colombia, one of those is the various regional traits – quasi-subcultures if you will – that exist here. 

It’s not something you have to find out for yourself – although, spend enough time here and you undoubtedly will – as the locals are usually quick to fill you in.

'Rolo land' - twilight in Bogotá.

These subcultures are generally city or department confined (for the record, Colombia consists of 32 departments or departamentos in Spanish) and, at the risk of over-generalising, we tend to find that the characteristics associated with each region more or less hold true. 

Of course, you will find that the chief traits of one area are in existence in other locations, but perhaps just not to the same degree. 

A Colombian acquaintance summed up the most common of these regional behaviours thus:

Starting with the capital Bogotá, if you have three Bogotanos or rolos (rolas for women) as they are referred to, with you in a room, what happens? Well, they probably won’t talk to you and when you leave their company you’ll discover your mobile phone and other personal belongings have gone ‘missing’. 

As for the people from the country’s second city, Medellín, in the Antioquía department, find yourself surrounded by three paisas as they’re known and you’re in good business company. 

From the female point of view, they’ll also be fiercely attractive – now that’s saying something, considering this is Colombia – but, as we’ve found out to our cost, they might struggle to find their purse (see both ‘The wages of love’ http://bit.ly/MtWh7T & ‘Bienvenidos a Medellín – Bangkok Light’ http://bit.ly/N83NbB for related stories).  You don't get ahead in business by spending lots of money now, do you?

Get a trio of inhabitants from Colombia’s Caribbean coast, costeños, together and you’ll be partying and dancing non-stop, with the ladies suggestively rubbing their considerable posteriors in your crotch area. 

Apparently, even the region’s donkeys get to sample these erotic dances – even a bit more if they’re ‘lucky’.

There's much more to Santander than just the chicas.

The city of Cali’s good people (caleña(o)s) are best known for their sultry salsa skills – well they have to be good at something, right?

Then you have the santandereanas – that is the women who come from the department of Santander. 

In the words of our Colombian acquaintance – himself, we must point out, a santandereano – if you’re in the company of three of these ladies then you’ve got problems, big problems. In fairness, it only takes one to give you trouble, three is akin to a death sentence.

These are Colombia’s quintessential crazy ladies, locas. Again, that’s a big statement to make – it’s not like they don’t have much competition in this regard here. 

Now, being fiery and passionate as these santandereanas are doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. But these chicas have taken it to a degree that would see Jesus Christ himself reach for the shotgun after only a couple of days, if he survived that long.

If you’re contemplating dating one get ready for one of the most dramatic emotional roller coasters you’ll ever experience. OK, you might say that this is the case with women in general, but we’re referring to heretofore unprecedented levels of craziness here.

Personal experience of all this – not even in a dating sense at that – and the streams of anecdotal evidence from both Colombians and foreigners alike cannot be merely brushed aside as coincidence. So it is, Santander – the home of human ‘Black Widows’.

A Santand... ...er, sorry, a Black Widow spider.

Of course, as we always like to point out after making sweeping generalisations, there are, fortunately, exceptions. 

We have a small number of Santandereanas that we rate as good friends – trustworthy even. The fact that most of these spent some time outside of Colombia has obviously played a significant part in ‘normalising’ them – whatever that actually means. You know who you are.

So what about the perfect Colombian woman, based on the above? 

For us, it would be a paisa’s looks, the soundness of a caleña, a smidgen of santandereana passion and initial friendliness, a costeña's eroticism and rola, erm, daring.

We can dream, can’t we?