Colombia's foreign "saviours"

@wwaycorrigan

[Listen to an audio version of this blog entry here.]

'Being alone in Colombia is such a waste.'

That was the reaction of one Facebook user to my recent post, 'Set on singlehood'. What particularly caught my attention was the inclusion of 'Colombia'.

'Your "saviour" shall come from beyond the seas.'

'Quite a catch'

If one very much believes in companionships/relationships then, one would think, the location should have little to do with it — unless we're talking about a hermit monastery or the like, where the whole idea is to live in solitude.

Exchanging a few messages with the commenter, his general sentiment became clearer. Basically, people from high-income countries living in Colombia aren't utilising all their advantages if they remain single.

It is true that some, nay many, Colombians have a preconception that those originally from the wealthier Western nations live a more comfortable life and have greater access to a host of resources compared to the average local here. (However, as I touched on in 'Making ends meet in Colombia', this is all relative.)

'It plays into this belief that exists in some quarters that Colombia is a sex-tourism destination.'

Thus, for a Colombian looking to improve his/her lot, on the face of it, hooking up with such a foreigner could pay dividends — not just in monetary terms but in overall quality of life. So, it could be said, the foreigner often gets first refusal in the dating game.

For our Facebook commenter, with this advantage and as long as the majority of the other relationship essentials are in place — no biggy that! — it should be relatively easy for the high-income-nation native to find a partner in these parts.

Mentioning the other relationship essentials and to be fair to our Facebook commenter, he did insist that with his significant other, a Colombiana, it's not all about money. She pays her way. We'll take him at his word.

The wages of love

Yet, a male foreigner's notion that 'being alone in Colombia is such a waste' appears to bring with it an innuendo that the country's women are simply waiting for a "rich" saviour from overseas to arrive and lead them to salvation.

It has little or nothing to do with love and romance, more to do with prudence. (Yes, there's an element of that at play in all relationships yet in this case the need for genuine affection is hardly a factor at all.)

It also plays into this belief that exists in some quarters — not without reason, of course — that Colombia is a sex-tourism destination.

Most of us have seen those couples, usually an older man with a much younger woman, where love doesn't exactly appear to be the primary fuel keeping the passions burning.

Such a sight might be more pronounced in the likes of Thailand but it's certainly not alien to Colombia either (from memory, it did seem more obvious in balmy tourist spots such as Cartagena and Medellín compared to a somewhat frigid Bogotá).

Should I tie myself up here romantically in the near future, I can rest assured that it would not be because of money. With a personality like mine, who needs wads of cash, eh?

I did not, obviously enough, relocate to Colombia with the sole intention of finding a partner. Indeed, for better or for worse — more so the latter in many instances — I came here without any real plan at all.

So being romantically alone — for the record, I do have solid local friendships — is not something I see as a major setback. Right now, my greater concern is in finding a route to a more comfortable living financially speaking rather than hooking up.

Of course, one could lead to the other. I'm less convinced, though, that my current modus operandi in Colombia represents a good chance of either happening, whether that's a waste or not.
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Colombia's false friends

One of the initial things that first-time visitors to Colombia pleasantly encounter is the instant friendliness of the locals. In fact, it can almost be a little unsettling. 

They seem to go so much out of their way to help you that you feel they must be trying to get something in return — too good to be true and all that. For those streetwise travellers, your instincts tell you as much, right? 

However, it tends to be the case that passing through this extremely diverse land, on the whole, what you see is what you get. Colombians are just genuinely friendly to you — first up.

Best friends? Don't count on it.

That’s the thing, though — from what we’re discovering, for some of the natives, that initial friendliness is just temporary. 

Now, we realise we’re tackling a big sacred cow here. The maxim that has been perpetuated for some time is that Colombia is one of the friendliest nations on the planet. However, stay a little bit longer than the average tourist here and you begin to see how myopic a view that is. 

Over time, it appears that for some Colombians — both men and women — friendship is a one-way street. In the mid-to-long term, they expect to be ‘up’ in the deal. If they’re not, your companionship will be quickly discarded. 

The term ‘false friends’ — used to describe words in two languages that are similar in appearance and/or pronunciation but have different meanings — is very appropriate to describe some new Colombian acquaintances.

Here’s an example of what we’re talking about. You’ll meet somebody who will come across — as is the initial Colombian standard — very affable and genuine. 

Indeed, they might be so nice as to buy you a drink or invite you for a meal and if you happen to be looking for work or accommodation, or both, they’ll have plenty of contacts to help you out. Promises certainly won’t be in short supply. This warmth will continue for some time and you may feel that you’ve got to a stage where you can trust this person, someone you might call a friend. 

Then there will come a time, almost inevitably, when your new ‘friend’ will either directly ask you for money or you’ll be on a night out and your ‘amigo/a’ won’t have cash for some odd reason. 

So you lend some money or pay for the night, with the promise that you’ll get it back the next day. The thing is, tomorrow never comes with these kinds of people. You more than likely won’t be able to make contact with them for some time. 

The lines of communication may open again after a while where, amazingly, your old friend will see nothing wrong with breaking your trust. There may be some fabricated story to ‘account’ for his/her ‘disappearance’ — usually to do with a sick or dying grandmother. 

Whatever the case, they certainly won’t be in a position to repay you just yet. But they’ll have the money for you tomorrow. No worries. Sure aren’t you friends?

Gorgeous but dangerous — but worth it!

Now, you might say this kind of thing happens all over the world, and of course it does. But from anecdotal evidence and experience, it seems to be especially prevalent in Colombia. 

Ask the majority of ex-pats living here how many locals they rate as good, trustworthy friends and you’ll see plenty of heads being scratched. You can find them, of course, thankfully, but alas they are few and far between. 

In defence of this Colombian behaviour, it can be said that many of them are not as wealthy as Europeans or North Americans so trying to extract something monetary from people from these parts isn’t that bad. 

However, there are far poorer places in the world — Thailand or India for example — where the people are genuinely friendly for friendliness’ sake, no other reason. 

Or even take a look at countries closer to here. The locals in Chile — and also Peru — are sometimes described as being a little emotionally colder than Colombians. On first impressions, that may hold true. Yet, from what we’ve encountered, you can build up lasting, trustworthy friendships with the locals there — no strings attached.

On the relationship front, ‘getting into bed’, literally speaking, with Colombian women can be some experience, too. 

Things tend to go one of two ways. They will either be aloof with you for weeks on end, only contacting you as it suits them, as explained above, or else they’ll be all over you from the get-go, intensely so. 

That you are unable to devote every minute of your day to them is something they seemingly can’t understand. Whatever the case, it will be an emotional roller-coaster — that’s if you take it seriously. Best practice, however, is usually not to.

Of course, as we always like to point out here, there are some fine exceptions to all this that we have fortunately encountered — enough to allow Colombians to see themselves as a relatively friendly nation. But the friendliest? In classic school-report style, we have to say ‘could do better’. 

Then again, perhaps we all could.