All hail the TV gods

Wanted: Enthusiastic people to take anything from six to 24 hours out of their day (with the promise of more days to come), be ordered around like dogs when needed, virtually walked over when not. Food may or may not be included, it depends on how the employers feel. Same goes for payment.

It should be a case of 'show me the money' when you get miked up.

'Any takers?' 

'Eh, no thank you!' 

'But it's for television.' 

'Me!' 'Me!' 'Me!' 'Me!' 'Me!'

Ah yes, what some of us little people will put ourselves through just to get on television. The lure of the camera makes certain folk lose all perspective.

Some are what we call 'media whores', those who stop at nothing to get a bit of exposure. It's a tad off the mark to actually call them 'whores', as a lot of the time they're happy to prostitute themselves out to the media lords for free.

The thinking behind this is that the "nobody" will become a "somebody", thereby reaching a position where they can demand payment (for example, Bart Simpson, accidental as it was, as the 'I didn't do it kid' and more recently all those seeking fame and "recognition" via YouTube).

Others aren't quite as, um, in your face or driven as the above, but they still get weak at the knees when the chance to be on TV comes along.

Thus, with a number of people acting in such a subservient manner towards the TV gods, it's little wonder that the industry's powers that be take advantage of the situation. Why pay people for something that they'll willingly do for free, or practically for free anyway?

In countries such as Colombia, this mentality appears worse than in more, let's say affluent places. There are a number of factors at play in this.

First, for outside productions, which predominantly come from the USA, the costs of filming here are generally cheaper. Wage demands for personnel hired on location, those used both on- and off-screen, are much lower than the country of origin. No big surprise there, the cost of living in Colombia is lower (for most) after all.

Then we've locals with next to nothing in terms of income and future prospects, so any sort of "easy money" they can make is taken, understandably, without question. There's also the steady stream of backpackers passing through the country who jump at the chance to do some 'glamorous' extras work, regardless of pay.

On top of all this you've a host of greedy agents, all trying to pocket as much as they can from the people they send to film.

Now, the argument can be made that the payments offered are fine in a Colombian context. Again, it depends on how you look at it, where you come from and what exactly you're being asked to do. For one, in terms of basic extra work, foreigners tend to be paid better than locals, receiving up to five times more.

When it comes to landing speaking parts, some agencies pay little better than what they give extras. The problem here is that landing even just a small role can rule you out of working on that production again, unlike being a standard extra. What's more, you generally have to go to castings and learn lines for these more prominent parts.

For example, I was paid 180,000 Colombian pesos (less than 60 euros) for my little speaking part in Narcos II, practically the same as extras pay. It now appears I can't be in Narcos again, so from a monetary point of view, I was robbed (for the record, other agencies offer at least 500,000 Colombian pesos for speaking parts).

Considering the amount of money the likes of Fox, Netflix and Univsion -- to name but a few of the companies that film in Colombia -- have in their coffers, there's no reason why they can't be more financially generous to those at the bottom rung.

That they're not may be more to do with the agencies on the ground than the production companies themselves. The former are doing their bit in maintaining and deepening the gap between rich and poor. They're certainly not doing us any favours, despite what they might like us to think.

Some of us poorer folk are not only happy to let all this happen, but we also help them along the way as well. Hey, it's all-powerful TV after all; thou shalt not question its wisdom.
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'Que pena con usted; but at least I got my way'

It's not always best practice to take sayings/phrases from a non-native language, translate them into our own, and then take them literally. 

There are many examples in English where taking a word-for-word translation of certain expressions just doesn't make sense in other languages; 'the hair of the dog', 'beat about the bush', and so forth.

'Que pena Mr Cayman, but at least I'd the decency to wait until you died.'

Yet, the Colombian-Spanish saying of 'que pena con usted' doesn't fall into this bracket – not as far as we're concerned anyway, owing to our experiences of its use. The literal translation is 'what pain/embarrassment for (with) you'. 

This tends to be used in many scenarios in Colombia when, in the English speaking world, in any case, the more appropriate response would be 'Sorry' or 'Is there anything I can do to help?'

Now, you might say that que pena for Colombians is their 'sorry' and that's what they mean when they utter it (leaving aside the fact that there is in existence a perfect Spanish equivalent of 'sorry', namely 'lo siento', – literally 'I feel it' – which many other Spanish-speaking countries have no problem using). However, as is so often the case, actions speak much louder than words.

For example, an all-too-often 'que pena' usage is when you're in the middle of asking for something at a bar or café or the like and somebody else comes along and starts barking out his (or her – and perhaps it's more likely to be a woman) order ahead of you. 

You politely inform him that you were there first and in the middle of ordering; cue the que pena (without making eye contact) and the out-of-order order continues without a second thought for the 'displaced'. In other words, to fit the translation, “what a pain for you indeed. But I'm happy, I've got what I want, that's the most important thing.”

You could argue that there is a freshness and even honesty in this compared to much of the English-speaking world where people sometimes use 'sorry' when they don't really mean it. However, it's fair to say, in comparison with the example above for one, our behaviour in queues is generally a little more courteous and, dare we say, correct.

Moreover, an indifferent que pena is used in so many contexts where for us 'lo siento' should be the more appropriate reply backed up by a genuine acceptance of an error or misjudgement. 

In its absence, it really only leaves one conclusion; they don't care that their actions have impeded you.

It does seem like a case of 'sorry being the hardest word'; or just not in the vernacular, full stop.

The 'Bible' for some Colombians?

We can't highlight all this without touching on another, what appears to be from our experiences and those of others we've met in any case, national trait. That is an inherent inability to admit culpability to anything, even if there is irrefutable damning evidence to the contrary.

In some places, putting your hand up to say you were at fault is seen as a brave, courageous step in many incidences, a display of honesty. Not so, for the most part, in Colombia. There's always some sort of excuse available, even if it happens to be about as watertight as a teabag.

Yet this doesn't mean that you can't be at fault (well somebody has to be, right?). If something unfortunate happens to you, a typical question here is 'what did you do wrong?' for it to have occurred. 

For example, 'it's your fault that the 'ladrones' (thieves) robbed you, you allowed them to.' No 'dar papaya' and all that (and we hasten to add, the few run-ins we've had have generally been down to our own stupidity – it's not the case for everybody though). 

This, perhaps, gives some explanation as to why there appears to be at times a laissez-faire attitude towards petty crime among the locals. It happens, and if you're the victim you probably did something to allow it to happen.

'Que pena con usted' indeed. Continue to throw it our way, however, and the bigger 'pena' might be with you. We're too nice for that though. 

Plus, as we learned some time back, it's best not to take such things too seriously in these parts; nobody else appears to.

Giving just a little bit 'extra'

Colombia. For those unfamiliar with the place, the country conjures up images of cocaine, violent crime, prostitution and other such ‘ghastly’ affairs. 

For others, especially those who have spent some time here, they generally come away with a far more positive image of the land – relatively friendly, helpful people, fantastic scenery together with a wonderfully diverse natural environment. 

One thing, though, that the average person would not instantly think of when they hear the word Colombia is the ‘glamorous’ world of TV extras work. It’s not something that sprang to our mind anyway. 

Yet, as we’ve slowly been discovering, if you’re an extranjero/foreigner here, there seems to be a strange demand for your acting ‘talents’ – or at least your ability to stand around as an additional body while there’s a camera rolling.

In demand - getting 'made-up' for 'Colombia Tiene Talento'.

Of course, this strong demand for non-natives may just simply be seasonal – so in one sense we should ride the wave while it’s in full flow. We are, after all, getting a chance to see inside a quite surreal world that in our home country getting access to might not be as easy. 

In theory, it’s a great gig. Getting paid – eventually, that is – reasonably well for doing very little. Getting fed – eventually, that is – for free while on-set. 

For some, the chance to rub shoulders with semi-famous actors/actresses is also appealing. Plus, there’s the chance that you might get lucky and land a brief speaking part – an opportunity that presented itself to us here recently. 

There’s much more to ‘Wrong Way’s’ acting talents than being just a silent body you know – or a flag waver (see http://bit.ly/KT00gx from 2’ 30’’ onwards). 

We won’t let the fact that the speaking role is in one of the numerous, remarkably cheesy dramas – or ‘telenovelas’ to give them their proper title – that somehow are quite popular here. These ‘gems’ make Ireland’s Fair City look half decent.

So, in this Colombian extras world, if your face fits the bill – or the powers that be feel you might be able to fill a gap for them – you become very important. 

In the back of almost every extras mind, especially those who are relying on the work to survive, is the hope that they’ll become an indispensable part of a production, thereby guaranteeing somewhat steady employment for a time – evolving into a super extra, if you will. 

It could be said they’re looking for their Bart Simpson 'I didn’t do it’ moment', in a sense (see The Simpsons episode 512 – ‘Bart Gets Famous’).

Super extra: 'Your papers, please.'

Now, as exciting as all this may sound, once the novelty factor wanes, as it undoubtedly does, prostituting yourself out to various productions becomes tiring, to say the least. 

At the same speed you can be picked from obscurity to become a super extra, you are just as rapidly cast aside when you’re not wanted anymore. If that happens to be your fate, when you’re quite literally just making up the numbers, then that apparently gives the production team the right to treat you like a dog. 

Well, actually a little bit worse. At a recent shooting, where dogs were required, we discovered that the canine thespians were getting paid more than the average extra. 

What’s more, they didn’t have to hang around all day like council workers – once their scene was shot, off they went, with their tales very firmly wagging in the air.

Then there’s the food – or the waiting for it to be more specific. They do say that the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. We tend to go along with that. 

So if you make us wait unnecessarily long for some grub, then you can expect a backlash. OK, fair enough, they feed you – I suppose they don’t have to. But it’s the blatant inequality of it all that irks us. 

On one side you have the ‘important’ people, dining in comfort and at will. Then you have the extras. As soon as the break for lunch is called the rush of these nobodies to the dining area is like a herd of buffalo on the charge. 

Lord help you if you’re one of the last to the queue – a long, long wait is in store while you watch the ‘stars’ and production team dine in relative splendour. 

There’s also the strong possibility that by the time you do get served, the food is either cold or there’s hardly any left.

'Save some for me, por favor!'

So, you may ask, if your lot is just a run-of-the-mill extra, why continue with it all? 

Well, as ever, money talks, so if you happen to be free when you get ‘that’ call from an agency saying your services are required, it can be hard to turn down. The aggravating, depressing aspects from the last time usually subside. 

There’s also that dream, that hope, that you may just get your big break this time around – your Bart Simpson ‘I didn’t do it’ moment in the spotlight. If you’re not in, you can’t win and all that. 

But like most things in these parts, as regular readers will be aware by now, the best advice is as follows: Don’t whatsoever rely on it but if you have to, then do not, in any case, take it seriously.