Feigning understanding. Who cares anyway?

@wwaycorrigan

[Listen to an audio version of this blog entry here.]

'Wow, your Spanish is very good.'
'Well, I've been based here for over ten years.'
'Oh.'

Some things are better left misunderstood.

That's how the conversation generally goes when I meet a new Spanish-speaking acquaintance in these parts. The initial positivity that this "gringo" (I'm not a gringo, I'm Irish!) can speak Colombian Spanish fairly well is tempered by my longevity in the country.

Plateau effect

Indeed, the initial boost received from being told I converse well in my second language can often rapidly bomb when some appear baffled as to why my Spanish doesn't sound more Colombian after all these years. (At times, when the mood takes me, I think I can do an OK Costeño [those from Colombia's Caribbean coast]/Venezuelan accent. I think, that is.)

Having never taken any official classes, the Spanish I have has been largely down to my own dirty work — self-taught. Somebody said to me self-learning, but isn't all learning, in effect, done by the individual? It's not learning if it's not!

My general understanding of the language is solid. I can read it pretty well — I've got through a novel and a couple of academic history books in Spanish — while my speaking is, well, fine, depending on how one views it, as we've determined above.

'My observations suggest that on many occasions the locals aren't really listening to each other.' They don't care about what others have to say.'

Nonetheless, I've certainly plateaued in the last few years. I usually feel I've enough to get by, especially considering that I use Spanish predominantly for socialising, thus the drive for further advancement is low. Indeed, I used to make it my business to regularly listen to Colombian talk radio. Now, I rarely do.

That I'm not using Spanish too frequently in a professional setting is key here. Basically, my true comprehension doesn't really get tested. There's no "tienda test" at the end of the month. How I'd fare if I had to answer questions on recent conversations and engagements, I'm not so sure.

It's not all that uncommon to find myself nodding as to signal that I understand, uttering the odd 'entiendo' or appropriate exclamation when I'm actually at best only getting half the conversation.

Of course, in the barrio tienda, there's plenty of colloquial Castellano (the official tongue of Colombia, after all) used. It can be almost like a language in itself.

Alongside this, I can at least take comfort from the fact that most of the time I am genuinely trying to listen.

'You say it best when you say nothing at all'

I say this because my observations suggest that on many occasions the locals aren't really listening to each other. This manifests itself most blatantly when the supposed listener's attention is taken up by his/her phone.

However, even when there's no device distraction, the body language — the distant look — tells me that the message isn't really being received.

When this happens to me, when I feel somebody's not really listening, I'll say it. I'm not a major fan of talking to myself — when there's company about anyway.

In these parts, though, it seems that some people don't care too much whether those they are addressing are listening or not. 'Ah sure, even if they only get a word or two, it'll have been worth it. I've had my say.'

It could point to a grand indifference on all sides. The person doing the talking doesn't care if nobody's taking in what he/she says and the supposed listener(s) equally couldn't be bothered if such nonchalance is noticed.

Sure as the song puts it, it's only words.
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Listen to Wrong Way's Colombia Cast podcast here.

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Never-ending solo searching

@wwaycorrigan

[Listen to an audio version of this blog entry here.]

A long-standing friend made an interesting and, I think, somewhat accurate observation about me recently.

The road to tranquillity. Or the road to nowhere?

He noted how I spend a lot of time fretting about casually meeting certain people to the extent that if I see them on the street or wherever I'll often go out of my way in order to avoid them.

Blather matters

However, if I happen to be spotted by the person I had been trying to shun, I'll then be the one who'll end up doing most of the talking and keep the encounter going on for longer than it really needs to go on.

This "hiding policy" isn't in reference to people who I generally dislike either. It tends to be those with whom I have no issue whatsoever.

What seems to be at play here is my overall dislike of small talk and, paradoxically, as mentioned, my inability to not engage in it when I meet someone.

So I try to nip this in the bud and not let the situation arise in the first place.

"I'm not quite at the level of the Scottish comedian Frankie Boyle, who I recall saying that 'a stranger is a cunt you haven't met.'"

Such behaviour might be more understandable here in Colombia if it was purely down to a language issue i.e. the additional effort needed to converse in a non-native tongue. Also, there's the fact that many Colombians tend to spend a lot of time on meaningless chatter, for example, asking pretty much the same basic greeting in various ways, '¿Cómo estás? ¿Qué tal? ¿Cómo ha ido?', etc. But it's not solely a Spanish thing. I've done this shunning back in Ireland, too.

Considering I've worked in radio, presented podcasts, "starred" in various film/TV productions (see https://wwcorrigan.blogspot.com/2022/02/freedom-fighter.html and https://wwcorrigan.blogspot.com/2021/09/blast-from-past-making-scene-in-sin.html) and regularly host events (https://wwcorrigan.blogspot.com/2021/12/iquiz-bogota-pub-quiz-edition-liv-quiz.html), some people find it odd that I'm often happier to avoid mixing with others. There's an assumption that I'm an extrovert. The reality is, I'm more of an introvert.

Cunning stunt

It's one big reason why I don't like house sharing, particularly with people who I hadn't known previously, which is what I've had to deal with for the majority of my time in Bogotá (and something I'm doing again after a seven-month respite of sorts in a studio apartment. The Bogotá nomad moves once more. Oh dear).

The same goes for travelling. I prefer going solo. The only real benefit I see in travelling with others is to keep hotel costs down, in places where you can share a room that is.

Then there's my panadería office. I don't like to be interrupted by anyone when I'm there. This is more "acceptable", though, seeing how I frequent the place to write, read, send emails, tasks that require some concentration.

When it comes to a few letting-off-steam beers these days, my version of socialising that is, I tend to stick to the quieter tiendas and mix with only a small circle of friends and acquaintances.

That being so, I'm not quite at the level of the Scottish comedian Frankie Boyle, who I recall saying that 'a stranger is a cunt you haven't met.' I'm still open to befriending people; I'm just not too proactive in seeking them out. Also, I often find it easier to become pally with older people rather than my peers.

Whatever the case, the idea of escaping to an isolated rural retreat, going off the radar for a time, appeals. If I could make such a life sustainable, that is.

Finding satisfaction from this solo searching, however, may be an impossible task in this shared life of ours.
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Location, location, location

In a recent episode of The Colombia Cast podcast, the eminent economist and political scientist James Robinson, co-author of the influential Why Nations Fail, restated his view that geography plays no part in the economic development of countries.

Location matters. (Image from Wikipedia.)

Looking at it from an Americas perspective from the time Europeans arrived on these shores, that Canada and the US are more advanced than their counterparts further south has a lot to do with pure chance initially, later followed by the systems of governance introduced.

Easy pickings

Basically, the Spanish found fairly advanced civilisations settled in areas rich in natural resources that could be relatively easily exploited for the homeland. The British, in contrast, had to deal with largely nomadic tribes inhabiting rather harsh conditions. 

One, oversimplified way to put it is that the Spanish found streets paved with gold to loot while the concept of a street didn't even exist where the British settlers landed.

'Climate certainly played a part.'

Had the roles been reversed would the state of what we now call Latin America be much better today? Would the US be the power it is? The answer to the latter question is probably not, based on how the Spanish Empire ran its affairs. 

As for the Brits in Latin America, well their own record in lands where a quick buck could be made is far from exemplary. Jamaica's not exactly a powerhouse now, is it?

In this regard, while geography per se wasn't the factor, one could say climate played an important part.

In terms of Jamaica and other Caribbean islands, it was their ability to produce an abundance of cheap sugar for the European market that made them ripe (pun intended) for exploitation. Thus, their location in the tropics was critical.

We must also consider the idea that the need to plan and prepare according to the seasons in regions where a harsh winter would see off those found wanting played some role in ingraining a more organised disposition in those living further north.

Speaking of those northern reaches, had Ireland not been located next to the greatest old-school empire the world has ever known (today's big boys, the US and China, are perhaps best measured in different terms) there's little doubt it would look much different today.

Nothing without EU

Of course, there are many interconnected factors that shape countries and regions. In Ireland's case, had it converted to Protestantism — or had Britain remained Catholic — the last few centuries would surely have been far less troublesome than they were.

'Ireland was a pedagogical powerhouse.'

While British interference in Irish affairs was a fact before the religious divide, it became fundamental for security for the emerging empire to control — at pretty much whatever cost — the untrustworthy neighbour to the west. (Do note that in the early days of Christianity in Europe, Ireland was known as the island of saints and scholars, a sort of godly, pedagogical powerhouse we could say. Subjugation by the British changed all that.)

Fast forward a few hundred years and, as I've written about before, a partially independent Ireland's proximity to mainland Europe, not to mention membership of the European Union, has been crucial in its economic development.

Imagine if Ireland, everything else being equal, had been an island just off Africa. How would it look economically and politically today? One just needs to take a glance at the countries in the Dark Continent post-colonisation to get an idea.

Weighing all this up, while there are many reasons why nations 'fail', your neighbours can play a significant part. Location does matter, at least in those vital formative years.
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Listen to The Colombia Cast podcast here.
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Work, work, work, work, work

OK, you might say, 'Oh here he goes again, throwing his toys out of the pram. Be grateful for what you have. Many locals would jump at the chance to be in your position.' I understand that. 

What's more, compared to said locals, other colleagues that is, I've had a fairly easy ride of it. Yet, when we experience first-hand rather questionable practices, are we just meant to let them slide?

Working lots of overtime is not only accepted, it's expected. (Image from web.)

What I'm referring to here is the way that many Colombian-based employers, from a private-sector perspective in any case, expect their employees to go well and truly beyond the call of duty. 

From my days teaching English to business professionals, I'd heard about this culture where spending the majority of one's waking hours at work was par for the course.

Some of this I put down to inefficiency. You know, workers not really working when they're meant to be which then leads to panic when it comes to home time. A lackadaisical Latino approach, it could be said.

Warrior workers

With one year down in my first full-time office job in this country, I can say, in this marketing agency at any rate, that inefficient practices do indeed play a part in this. 

However, it's only part of the problem. A bigger factor appears to be a general acceptance that people will work well over what's stipulated in their contract, resigned to the 'fact' that 'it's just the way it is'.

"Speak out about long hours and you'll be viewed as a troublemaker."

For sure, fear and the need to pay the bills are significant in this. If you start making a fuss about having to work another 15-hour-plus day, you'll more than likely be viewed as a troublemaker by management, one not pulling for the team. 

With plenty of eager young folk waiting in the wings, you're easily replaceable. 'Like it or lump it, bucko.' Some people may even find a purely chaotic work environment more advantageous.

Linked to this is the idea that putting in ridiculously long hours is a sign that you are a 'true warrior'. Such thinking is skewed, it's of the short-term gain, long-term loss variety. Indeed, it may not even result in short-term gain.b

In the creative field I'm in, for one, having a mind as fresh as it can be to write texts, be they from scratch or 'non-literal' versions of Spanish, is crucial. Working hours on end in front of a computer with an unrealistic deadline looming doesn't lead to the best results. It's the kind of work, for me anyway, that's best done in short bursts.

"Rather than earning extra for this overtime, I'm actually at a loss."

For example, I recently had to burn the midnight oil, nay add to my employer's energy bill and my own burnout, when having to work on an emergency presentation. It never ceases to amaze me how such non-life-or-death things turn into emergencies. The client or whoever gets what the client wants, I guess. 

My ire was aroused even further when I subsequently discovered it wasn't quite the emergency it was made out to be. Seventeen continuous hours at the office.

The last six of those were spent solely on the presentation, so obviously enough I was starting off on a low-energy base with that particular task. While I did my best in the early part to write the English version as appealing as I could, a few hours in I was opting for almost undecipherable Google translate suggestions. The brain couldn't really function anymore.

Apparently, I'm entitled to a bonus for those endeavours. The princely sum of 10,000 pesos, less than three euros, to be precise. While I wait to receive it, I've been studying where best to invest it. One must make one's money work for oneself, mustn't one? (I'm actually technically at a financial loss considering I spent money on snacks that night, snacks that I wouldn't have had the need to buy had I gone home at my usual time.)

Dirty dealings

Now, this was the first time I had to put in such a shift. For a good number of my colleagues, many of them earning even less than me, it happens with worrying regularity. All this in the multimillion-dollar advertising and marketing industry. Somebody's making a killing out of it. Capitalism at its best, eh? 'But guys, you've never had it so good!'

It's important to note that, in theory, I've no major issue with giving a little bit extra every now and again when there is a genuine need to do so. This is much easier to do, of course, when the work is your own or it's something you truly enjoy. As I've said before, marketing for third parties, doing somebody else's dirty work, is not a major passion of mine. Not in the form I've been experiencing it anyway.

Alas, with the lack of a reliable alternative at this moment in time plus the fact that my current employer is a relatively easy route to a visa that allows me to stay in the country and carry out some of my labours of love, walking away right now might be a rather rash move.

Ride out the frustrating times, control the controllables and aim for better. Something to that effect. 'Toys back in the pram now, good boy.'
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Podcast: The Colombia Cast

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"I is the expert."

An old friend once told me that in the world of gambling on horses, it's best to be in one of two camps: The first is to know a lot about it, where you make an informed, "backed-up-by-facts" decision on your selection. The other is knowing nothing or practically nothing about the subject.

"It's fine, I checked it all on Google Translate."

Obviously enough, in a pursuit where there's an amount of chance at play, neither position is a guarantee for success. 

Nonetheless, in the event of failure, the expert can go back to the drawing board, study harder to be better prepared for next time, assured (as much as one can in this particular game) that his/her superior know-how will help him/her come good.

For the very occasional backer of horses, the one who has no intentions of moving past the novice stage, the just-for-fun flutter that didn't work, it's not a problem. It's a very minor part of such a person's life.

Malign middle ground

It's those in the middle who aren't at expert level, and perhaps never will be, but yet have enough knowledge so as to sound as if they know what they're talking about, to the point that they convince themselves they are right, this is the problem group.

People in this category, unlike the expert, aren't savvy enough to realise where they've gone wrong and, in contrast to the novice, they'll continue throwing good money after bad.

"Sometimes they get too ballsy." 

We can easily apply this three-level concept to the world of language learning. In fact, it could be said it's a great fit for it. 

The experts, generally speaking, are the natives or the non-natives who have acquired an almost-native level. Of course, language is much more than just knowing all the mechanics of it, it's a culture.

It's one thing to know a language that you weren't brought up on very well (and many non-natives who get to this level will understand the rules of the language better than most natives); it's quite another to speak it so you seamlessly fit in with the native-speaking group in question.

Even among speakers of the same language, this can be challenging. For example, look at Chilean Spanish versus Colombian Spanish or Indian English versus Irish English.

On the opposite side, we have the novices, the beginners. In the same way with the horse racing example, if the expert tells beginners to go for X, it's highly unlikely they'll question it. They'll bow to the pro's better judgement. Most of the time they'd be right to do so. Most of the time.

"Google translate trumps the native speaker."

Then there are the intermediate-level learners. They won't always take what the expert tells them as gospel. On occasions, they might be right to do so; their doubts prove well-founded. Nobody gets it right all the time.

However, sometimes they get a little too ballsy, they think they know best, to heck with the experts. This, more often than not, leads to silly mistakes.

Now, in the classroom sphere, that's OK. Live and learn — one is in the classroom to learn, after all.

In the professional world, it plays out a little differently.

All-encompassing experts 

Take the case of a Colombian company (it may be its national airline), dominated, naturally enough, by Spanish-speaking folk. 

From a marketing perspective, it would appear that those calling the shots have an OK level of English, as many high-up people in such big companies do. Perhaps like my Spanish, fine but far from perfect.

As an airline that flies around the world, it not only advertises in Spanish but in English as well, with this advertising being an outsourced job (the vast majority of its advertising is). The final say on what goes public, though, and rightly so really, comes from management.

This is when know-it-all intermediate-level English speakers wielding power are dangerous. They want it their way, in their English (well, with the help of a poor translation from Google Translate).

Fair enough, changing an adjective here or a turn of phrase there isn't a big deal. Yet, when it's grammatically incorrect or confusingly written, and not in a smart way (think of Apple's "think different"), then it's just wrong.

But hey, they know best. "Thems are the experts."

The thing is, being an expert in one field doesn't make you an expert in all. Too much time spent on that high horse can damage the brain.
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Colombian universities' English at all costs

Colombia's powers that be place a fair amount of importance, in theory anyway, on improving the level of English here. There was even a ridiculously ambitious plan from the government to have the country bilingual by 2019. Still on track with that, guys?

There's aiming high and then there's the pie in the sky. Keep it attainable, people. (If only the Brits had colonised the place instead of those plundering Spanish, eh?)

'This would have been much easier if I'd started at a younger age.' (Picture from web.)

Essential English 

Nonetheless, as the global language (for now) in an unprecedentedly interconnected world, there's no doubt having English up to a workable level is, or at least could be, an advantage.

Thus, convincing the masses to warm to it is a noble pursuit.

Like most things, but perhaps even more so with languages, this leads to better results by getting them when they're young. However, Colombia's track record in this regard, especially in public schools, leaves a lot to be desired.

This being the case, the fact that in many university courses you can't graduate without attaining a certain, usually relatively high level of English could be viewed as being a bit harsh.

Of course, if you're studying international relations or the like where English is usually a core element and prerequisite for the course, fair enough.

Yet for degrees where English is not essential per se, why make obtaining a good grade in it a qualification requirement?

If the student has shown to be competent and worthy of his or her degree in the chief area of study, let them at it we say.

OK, as mentioned above, having a decent grasp of English may open more doors in the workplace. So the universities in question could be seen as forcing a good deed on students who have paid hefty enrolment fees. How thoughtful of them.

Now, as you know it's far from cynical we are here, but those of that disposition could be forgiven for thinking that the English requirement is just a money-making racket. 'Aw, hard luck, you failed English. Not to worry. Pay for a course to get your level up to scratch, pay for an additional semester and hopefully you'll be good to graduate in a few months.' Come on guys, these universities would never be so self-centred.

As tough as it may seem on those who struggle with English, as ever in these parts some centres of learning "allow" a way around it. From what we can gather, in some places the English test doesn't have to be taken supervised, on campus. There's an unsupervised, on-line option.

We recently had the friend of an acquaintance ask us to assist her while she took this on-line test. Of course, we objected strictly on moral grounds -- it had nothing to do with the fact that it wasn't financially worth it for us.

This practice, where it happens, obviously makes a mockery of the whole English requirement. (For the record, this was Universidad Central.)

An Ielts or Toefl exam would soon find out those who profess to have a high level of English (to a point anyway; some people who do have good English don't always perform well in such tests).

Outside of that, coming back to the practice of having an English test requirement for degrees where it's not essential, isn't it best to just let potential employers deal with that?

A Spanish-speaking civil engineering firm searching for prospective employees would probably list English as merely an advantage, not an actual requirement.

Forcing the language on people at a later stage in their development isn't the way to achieve bilingual status.

Needless to say, it starts at a much younger age.

If English is a priority for Colombian officialdom, the place to get serious about it is in primary-level education.

Alas, from a public school perspective anyway, it's more a case of the blind leading the blind in this regard.
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Cracking the (Colombian) Spanish code

'When all is said and done, a lot more is said than done.' It's very difficult to argue against that one. As a species, we're good at talking a good talk, but we don't always follow it up with the appropriate action if and when required.

You could just leave it at EU, lads ... (Image from elgranporque.com)

Alongside 'said' in the opening saying, we can add 'written' (yes, this coming from a blogger and all). The legal world is quite adept at that. The old adage of 'less is more' seems anathema to it. It likes to make things that should be pretty straightforward to comprehend – and act upon – come across as if they were written by somebody not of this world.

Yet, some languages – specifically Spanish (Colombian Spanish, anyway) in this case – are more culpable than others in this regard, and it's not exclusive to the legal sphere.

A common observation among those who translate Spanish to English here in Colombia is that the former is overly and unnecessarily wordy. 

Indeed, it can be quite the head-scratcher to figure out what's being said. This tends to be worse if someone has made a literal translation of his/her Spanish into English and asks you to proofread.

Of course, it's not always best practice to directly translate from one language to another, each one has its peculiarities, but what we're getting at here is what seems to be the same thing said a number of times, just in different ways. Plus, a lot of the time it's written in ridiculously long sentences devoid of punctuation.

In reference to the revised peace agreement between the Colombian government and Farc guerrillas, Britain's Guardian newspaper, inadvertently perhaps, touched on this: "Although the text of the new agreement was not immediately published, the president, Juan Manuel Santos, laid out certain changes in a televised speech. Some are little more than clarifications of the often-vague language of the text. Other modifications are more substantial."

For those who have had to work with Spanish texts before, that 'often-vague language' is something that will resonate. 

In legal and political contexts, as happens with other languages, it might be deliberate: leave things open to as many interpretations as possible. A reason, perhaps, why the Colombian constitution is quite lengthy. However, Spanish seems to bring this verbose approach to every sphere.

On a more trivial note, take abbreviations, where there is a doubling up on letters in some cases. For example, the United States (US), ' Estados Unidos' in Spanish, is written 'EEUU' in the abbreviated form. 'Fuerzas Militares' (literally 'Military Forces') abbreviates as 'FFMM'. (It's to do with plural terms, although it's not done in all cases.) Think about ink costs when printing these things out, guys!

Going slightly off-topic, football commentators in these parts are masters at making an uneventful football match seem as if it's the most exciting thing ever, spluttering out a thousand words a minute. The Simpsons did a good take on this years ago (back when The Simpsons was enjoyable).

There are a lot of things to like about the (Colombian) Spanish language and culture. It just seems that at times it could do with a bit of streamlining. 

There might be more than one way to write the same thing, but you don't need to put them all down at the same time.
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Building an English 'Latin' America

Taking into account the grand history of our planet, it doesn't take long at all for us humans, judging by behaviour anyway, to feel that certain things are indisputably part of where we are from. 'It is what it is, and that's just that.'

From nature's point of view, where we haven't seriously altered the landscape, change, for the most part, does indeed take time. Nonetheless, it happens, whether we witness it in our lifetime or not.

The English, nay Yanks, are coming ...

As a species, we also go through constant changes, be they cultural, genetic, geographical or linguistic. On that last one, that a certain region speaks a certain language today does not mean, as history has shown us, it will always speak in that tongue.

Now, it could be argued that the days of regions' witnessing great language changes, as happened to the native populations of the Americas, are over. 

One reason for this is the very fact that there is more homogeneity in this regard than, let's say, 500 years ago. There are a few main languages that the majority of people speak with many minor ones just barely being kept alive.

Alongside this, we have one language that dominates internationally, especially in terms of business and tourism, that being English; or its Globish version in any case. 

Where French was the globe's lingua franca in the 18th and 19th centuries for diplomacy, international relations and other areas, English has taken that position; minus, though, much of the former's prestige.

This being so, seeing English gain close to parity with both Portuguese and Spanish amongst the masses here in South America is a future possibility.

It is by quirk of fate, and bad luck according to some, that Portuguese and Spanish are the common languages in these parts. For sure, over the centuries they have become culturally as much a part of the lands they cover as the Andes Mountains are physically. 

Yet, with the continued influence of its powerful neighbour to the north coupled with a belief that an ability to speak English well leads to better prospects and/or an improved quality of life (however true in reality that may be), South America's nascent anglicisation may gather momentum in the coming decades.

As it is, most of the region's more well-to-do, along with some not-so-well-off types who have seen it to be advantageous, already have a decent level of English. 

Here in Colombia, successive governments have made no secret of the fact that they would like to see the country bilingual — they just haven't come up with a winning formula yet, despite a few attempts launched with great fanfare. (There's also that love affair the country seems to have with the Union Jack.)

Another factor to consider is that the origin countries of the dominant languages here, Portugal and Spain, aren't exactly, to put it mildly, the global powers they once were. 

Thus, while internal, regional trade doesn't require English, international business with the world's biggest players is most likely to be conducted via the lingua franca. 

It may not be that much of a stretch to see Latinos drift more towards English in the decades to come; a slide away from one imposed language that has lost a certain usefulness and a drift towards another that has more clout.

You will also find those, Latinos and non-Latinos alike, who believe that Latin America would be in a better position financially, even culturally (if not aesthetically), if it had actually been 'Anglo-Saxon America' instead, pointing to the US and Canada as 'proof'. 

Whatever about a language benefit, to say this is to assume a lot and ignore a host of differences between North and South America when Europeans first came calling. 

There was the lack of any powerful pre-existing civilization in much of the former and, perhaps more significantly, no immediate, obvious riches to loot for the motherland, to name but two. (Guyana, as the only mainland South American state to have English as its official language, doesn't exactly have us looking on with envy.)

Of course, in all this we can be accused of taking for granted the continuance of English-language dominance. Frenchmen in the 18th Century probably thought the same about their language's position. 

However, at this remove, in a far more globalised world than when French was king, English's fall from a high any time soon seems hard to contemplate.

Those variable winds of change from the East surely can't blow in a new top language?
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Colombia's best bank: And our winner is ...

Sometimes you have to accept that certain things are the way they are – at least for a specific moment in time. So while the Colombian banking system frustrates more than what I had been used to, you just have to deal with it.

However, depending on your circumstances and requirements, it is worth shopping around if you're looking for a safe place for your money here.

Banco Caja Social: Wrong Way's kind of bank. (Image from Facebook.)

What’s more, reflecting the general lack of customer service in this country, banks don’t seem to care one iota if you decide to ‘take your money and run’, closing an existing account. A great business sense that, leaking clients at will. My ‘millions’ are better off in Ireland and the UK for now.

If you do, though, require a Colombian bank account, from my investigations, coming at it as an independent visa holder, without having to go to extraordinary lengths to prove your importance,* here’s the low-down on the lukewarm to the damn right cold:

Banking is Caring and Sharing: 

First place goes to Banco Caja Social or in its initialism form, BCS (hence the introduction, geddit?). 

This bank offers a standard savings account without any management fee, or so they say. 5,000 COP (Colombian pesos, roughly €1.90) is held in bolsillo (‘pocket’) and taken from your account each month. 

However, it’s your money, not theirs; you can access it whenever you want, apparently. You’re allowed up to five free ATM withdrawals per month – in BCS’s own cash machines that is, of course (there is a fee to use those of other banks, the standard practice in Colombia).

Moreover, all you need is your Colombian immigration card (Cédula de Extranjería), and cash obviously, to open an account. That is to say you don’t need to show a certified proof of income, a requirement in many of the other banks and something that can be a bit of a hassle to get as an independent, non-contracted worker.

On top of all this, in a case of what’s seldom is wonderful for this country, the guy I dealt with in the bank’s 19th Avenue with Fourth Street (Calle 19 con Carrera 4) branch was extremely friendly and helpful and seemed genuinely interested in having me as a customer (cheers Oscar!).

Worthy of mention: 

A much smaller bank than Caja Social, Bancoomeva’s standard savings account comes free of charges for the first six months. Thereafter, there is no standard monthly fee, but you pay for every transaction. 

At their own ATMs the fee is minimal; 1,300 COP for each of your first four monthly withdrawals. However, it’s more than double that if you withdraw from other banks. This could prove costly considering the current small size of their network nationwide.

A newcomer to the market, the Ecuadorian Banco Pichincha, has a monthly management fee of a not-too-excessive 6,900 COP. Like Caja Social, it’s simple to open an account, with no proof of income required. On the downside, like Bancoomeva, the network is small.

Banco de Bogotá’s monthly fee is 6,500 COP, which allows up to five cost-free ATM transactions per month. The paperwork required to open an account there is somewhat off-putting, though.

It’s relatively straightforward to open an account with Davivienda but the monthly fee of 9,500 COP is at the higher end of the scale. Plus, in one of its branches at least, employees could do with some intensive customer-service training.

Best to be avoided: 

With a total monthly fee of a whopping 18,000 COP, broken down as 10,000 COP for management plus an 8,000 COP administration charge for good measure, Banco Popular is certainly not popular with Wrong Way anyway.

Three of a kind: Disinterested, costly banks ...

Bancolombia charges 9,700 COP per month and requires proof of income. The Spanish bank BBVA is also one of the more expensive ones with which to do business.

I have it on good authority that Citibank’s priority in Colombia is at the upper end of the market; fee-wise it’s at the upper end of things in any case.

It must be said that some banks such as Banco Av Villas, Banco Occidente and Banco Agrario failed to provide me with information as requested (and promised in a couple of cases). 

Also, if anyone knows of any other bank operating in Colombia that can trump Banco Caja Social – bearing in mind this little study is based on an independent visa holder or somebody without contracted employment – please do tell.

For now, though, it’s off to Caja Social I go.
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*By ‘extraordinary lengths’ I mean having to write, in a strong manner, to branch managers and indeed company directors to get any sort of positive attention. Even that doesn’t guarantee any improvement in conditions. 

'Flagtastic' result! Thanks Scotland!

Phew! They’ve pulled through, and with a little bit more to spare than it looked immediately beforehand. 

A huge section of Colombian society can breathe easy once more. The right decision has been made. Scotland is staying in the UK.

Why bother with the Colombian tricolour when you can fly the Union Jack?

You see, had our Tartan friends voted to leave, one of the possible changes made to a streamlined union would have caused a big headache here in Colombia.

I’m referring to a modified Union Jack, minus Scotland’s cross of St Andrew and the accompanying blue colour. This is because the most popular flag in Colombia is, it appears, not their own national tricolour but that of the UK.

'Jack on the back.'

It’s everywhere. Taxis, buses, shop windows, pubs, clothing, dogs – the works. It’s a safe bet that the majority of those here who have this strange affinity with it have no real idea of the place it represents. 

For one, you’ll meet Colombians who think that London is a country, if they’ve actually heard of the place before that is.

In some ways I can see the attraction that this mixture of white and red crosses on a blue background has. As flags go, it’s aesthetically impressive. Plus, it did represent greatness and endeavour in the not-too-distant past.

Yet, at the same time, for others the flag is – or at least was – a symbol of repression and subjugation.

As an Irishman born into and brought up on the nationalist, separatist tradition, that latter interpretation was the one I was destined to follow. 

Nowadays, with what I hope is a more balanced, worldly view of things, I tend to be more relaxed when I see the good old Union Flag. Well during my sober, right-thinking moments that is.

Sure isn’t it just three colours put together in a particular pattern, after all? 

At times, though, it’s not just bulls that can have adverse reactions to flags and how they’re flown, or not flown as the case may be. (Check out the video below or click on the following link for an example of that: www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HkyokhX9Ag.)

In weaker moments, I do question Colombians who display the flag or wear it on their jeans, T-shirts and suchlike. A lot of them, as alluded to above, don’t know its origins. Plus, they tend to be a bit bemused as to why it should bother me. Fair enough; as I said, I’m learning to let it go.

However, when I don my Venezuelan football shirt – the country that is now Venezuela being the birthplace of Simón Bolívar, the chief liberator of South America from ‘old’ Spanish rule and thus a Colombian hero – it doesn’t go down too well with some here. 

Come on guys, the two peoples and national flags are practically the same, right?*

I guess we could all do well to retract from this rather abstract symbolism and focus on more concrete, practical things. Now, where did I put my Union Jack briefs?
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*For a more general piece on Colombian (and others') independence, read Whose land is it anyway?

'Que pena con usted; but at least I got my way'

It's not always best practice to take sayings/phrases from a non-native language, translate them into our own, and then take them literally. 

There are many examples in English where taking a word-for-word translation of certain expressions just doesn't make sense in other languages; 'the hair of the dog', 'beat about the bush', and so forth.

'Que pena Mr Cayman, but at least I'd the decency to wait until you died.'

Yet, the Colombian-Spanish saying of 'que pena con usted' doesn't fall into this bracket – not as far as we're concerned anyway, owing to our experiences of its use. The literal translation is 'what pain/embarrassment for (with) you'. 

This tends to be used in many scenarios in Colombia when, in the English speaking world, in any case, the more appropriate response would be 'Sorry' or 'Is there anything I can do to help?'

Now, you might say that que pena for Colombians is their 'sorry' and that's what they mean when they utter it (leaving aside the fact that there is in existence a perfect Spanish equivalent of 'sorry', namely 'lo siento', – literally 'I feel it' – which many other Spanish-speaking countries have no problem using). However, as is so often the case, actions speak much louder than words.

For example, an all-too-often 'que pena' usage is when you're in the middle of asking for something at a bar or café or the like and somebody else comes along and starts barking out his (or her – and perhaps it's more likely to be a woman) order ahead of you. 

You politely inform him that you were there first and in the middle of ordering; cue the que pena (without making eye contact) and the out-of-order order continues without a second thought for the 'displaced'. In other words, to fit the translation, “what a pain for you indeed. But I'm happy, I've got what I want, that's the most important thing.”

You could argue that there is a freshness and even honesty in this compared to much of the English-speaking world where people sometimes use 'sorry' when they don't really mean it. However, it's fair to say, in comparison with the example above for one, our behaviour in queues is generally a little more courteous and, dare we say, correct.

Moreover, an indifferent que pena is used in so many contexts where for us 'lo siento' should be the more appropriate reply backed up by a genuine acceptance of an error or misjudgement. 

In its absence, it really only leaves one conclusion; they don't care that their actions have impeded you.

It does seem like a case of 'sorry being the hardest word'; or just not in the vernacular, full stop.

The 'Bible' for some Colombians?

We can't highlight all this without touching on another, what appears to be from our experiences and those of others we've met in any case, national trait. That is an inherent inability to admit culpability to anything, even if there is irrefutable damning evidence to the contrary.

In some places, putting your hand up to say you were at fault is seen as a brave, courageous step in many incidences, a display of honesty. Not so, for the most part, in Colombia. There's always some sort of excuse available, even if it happens to be about as watertight as a teabag.

Yet this doesn't mean that you can't be at fault (well somebody has to be, right?). If something unfortunate happens to you, a typical question here is 'what did you do wrong?' for it to have occurred. 

For example, 'it's your fault that the 'ladrones' (thieves) robbed you, you allowed them to.' No 'dar papaya' and all that (and we hasten to add, the few run-ins we've had have generally been down to our own stupidity – it's not the case for everybody though). 

This, perhaps, gives some explanation as to why there appears to be at times a laissez-faire attitude towards petty crime among the locals. It happens, and if you're the victim you probably did something to allow it to happen.

'Que pena con usted' indeed. Continue to throw it our way, however, and the bigger 'pena' might be with you. We're too nice for that though. 

Plus, as we learned some time back, it's best not to take such things too seriously in these parts; nobody else appears to.

A Globish affair

Many native English speakers, ourselves included, can be accused of laziness and/or indifference when it comes to learning other languages. It's a fair enough comment, especially when compared to the linguistic exploits of the likes of the Dutch and Germans, to name just two nationalities.

The fact that our language (yes, we’re Irish but we won’t pretend to be anything close to fluent Gaelic speakers) is the world’s chief business tongue means we generally more than survive and mingle in foreign countries without having to master – or even come close to mastering – others.

'Is there a refund if we don't make it across the bridge?'

Language laziness

Basically, if English isn't your first language, there’s a high chance it’s your second, or at least you desire it to be. In contrast, for native English speakers, there isn't a common second language we gravitate towards. 

Looking at our situation here, we have what we’ll describe as an OK grasp of Spanish simply because we've spent the last two years-plus surrounded by it in Colombia and elsewhere. Had things worked out differently, it could be French, German, Dutch or what have you that we’d have as our second language (using that phrase lightly). 

In other words, things happened by chance rather than design. For those with English as their number two tongue, the chances they gained it in such a similar ad-hoc manner are pretty slim.

At the risk of making an excuse for many native English speakers’ language laziness, the words of a good Israeli friend are a nice synopsis of the current state of play. 

As he opined, in a professional context in any case, knowing Spanish is great if you’re in a country where it’s widely spoken (as we have been) or if you need it for work, but, outside of that, it’s not going to win you much favour. The same can be said for most other languages. (Obviously, being able to speak and understand every language on the planet would be great, but let’s stay in the realms of reality for now).

In fact, it can be a bit frustrating when we make efforts to speak to somebody in their first language – we’re specifically referring to Spanish here – and they automatically switch to speaking English. Our Spanish isn't that bad, come on! 

Moreover, in all our travels across the world, we only need one hand to count the number of times English was not the default language when we found ourselves with groups of people from a range of diverse countries.

Taking all this on board, it leads us on to the rapidly growing, evolving and contested area of ‘Globish’ – that is of course ‘Global English’, or as some might see it, dumbed-down English. 

To put it simply, it’s the "English" you’re likely to hear if, for example – to give it a truly international or global feel considering the point we’re making – a Colombian man strikes up a conversation with a Chinese counterpart at Frankfurt airport. 

What’s spoken is unlikely to meet the approval of guardians of the English language in Oxford or Cambridge (we'll put aside Irish English for the moment), but the people in question will fully understand each other (more or less) in their common tongue.

For us, anything that helps different cultures communicate and comprehend each other is generally a good thing. 

Thus, we do our best not to frown upon what, at times, seems like the bastardisation of English. (It must be pointed out, though, that some non-native English speakers have a better understanding of the language than many native ones.)

Even, ahem, quality Colombian TV productions make some mistakes.

Now, due to its position as the global business language, it’s fair to say that there is a greater tolerance for English not being spoken entirely correctly. 

We find, and given where we’re coming from there’s perhaps no surprise in this, native English speakers are more inclined to let slide errors made by others compared to when an English speaker tries to speak in another language.

Maybe we’re just being a bit paranoid about this; but if we wanted to we could, for example, correct every second word uttered by some of our Colombian acquaintances. 

In a teaching environment, that’s obviously what we’re paid to do; but outside of that, if we get the sentiment, we’re happy to let things go. We believe it's not as smooth vice-versa. Then again, we would, wouldn't we?

With more time, this might not be an issue. Yes, we haven’t really needed excellent Spanish in a professional context here in Colombia. 

However, for matters closer to the heart, it may be prudent to be much sharper than we currently are. Then again, maybe not.

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For more on English in Colombia, check out The 'money' tongue.

Colombia, te extrañamos (Colombia, we miss you – in some ways)

To coincide with St Patrick’s Day earlier this year, we came up with a list highlighting the things we missed from Ireland (see http://bit.ly/Xgz0J6). 

Now that we’re back on home soil and plotting what’s turning out to be a less-than-straightforward return to Colombia, in weaker moments we have found ourselves thinking about certain things we long for from our previous home. 

OK, it’s not a case where we can’t sleep at night because of this but the following still resonate with us all the same.

Chilled-out times in Colombia.

Amigos

Obviously, this is not to say we’ve a lack of friends here at home (despite a mass exodus of people in their twenties from the west of Ireland), it’s more a point that some fine additions to our buddies list were made in Colombia over the last two years or so. 

Most of these, but not all, were fellow expats and some of them have also bid adieu to the country in the last while. There are, though, still a few old dogs remaining – perhaps we’ll be rejoining them shortly.

Good, old friends in the big city.

Big-city living

This may directly contradict with one from our Ireland’s calling list, but a lively metropolis, which Bogotá can be at times, is generally a good base for young(ish), single people. Plus, as mentioned above, the lack of younger people where we currently are is a drawback on occasions. Which brings us on to ...

... las chicas

OK, we haven’t always written in a positive light about Colombian women.* However, this still doesn’t take away from the fact that they are amongst some of the best-looking in the world. And before anyone accuses us of being sexist or a male chauvinist, Colombian women know they are beautiful and like to be told it, too. We’re thus doing our duty.

Not bad ... (courtesy of revistadonjuan.com)

A different tongue

No, this has nothing to do with the above point, we’re on about the language here. 

While we’re not masters of Spanish by any stretch of the imagination, we were slowly (very slowly, you might say) getting better through enforced daily usage** – as an old teacher used to say, ‘If you throw enough muck at the wall, some of it’s bound to stick.’ However, with the lack of regular practice over the last couple of months, bits of that muck are beginning to fall away.

Ah, cheap beer, cheap fun.

Reasonably priced beer (and other things)

One of the main reasons the Irish pub appears to be in terminal decline is down to price (for more on this, read http://bit.ly/MmS5bm). A pint in the pub is at least three times more than the price you can get it for at an off-license. 

In Colombia, however, beers in the ubiquitous tienda bars (for our favourites see http://bit.ly/17yN8HH) are very often cheaper than in takeaway locations – encouraging a bit of, ahem, healthy socialising. And we like to socialise.

It’s not all about beer, of course. An affordable, refreshing coffee and biscuit in the company of good friends also hits the spot. Again, something we’ve mentioned previously in Bogotá's simple pleasures http://bit.ly/Uzc3lk.

Keeping the peace.

Street food

Coupled with the above are the cheap snacks to be found on the streets – not in the rubbish bins, but for sale from vendors. 

Our personal favourite is the arepa packed with meat while a stuffed empanada is also agreeable from time to time. Outside of these evening time meals, we’re big fans of buying our fruit from street sellers, especially considering it generally retails at a fraction of the price compared to the supermarkets. One must be prudent with the pesos.

‘Extra’ demand

Now, while we did quickly become bored and frustrated working as an extra for various TV programmes – see http://bit.ly/NrbPc3 for the reasons why – we do miss the odd call from agencies requesting our services. Perhaps it’s an ego thing? 

Well, being egotistical is a prerequisite for those who want to make it in the acting world, right? Plus, the extras work gives us the opportunity to be on the right side of the law for a change.

High and mighty.

Altitude

As oft-detailed here, we’re fans of the high life; that is living a bit closer to the celestial stars as opposed to living it up with the so-called human versions (yes, we question their humanness). 

So while it’s not the highest perched capital city in the world, at 2,600 metres above sea level, Bogotá is lofty nonetheless. A close-to-perfect big city in which to be naturally high we feel. 

Or maybe that’s just all this sea-level air messing with our thoughts? A return journey might see us right. Time to get moving so.

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*One place to start in relation to our experiences with Colombian women is The Republic of Jealousy at http://bit.ly/ZrSQaN.

**Our Spanish got so good that we were even asked to do some promotional work for the Venezuelan government http://bit.ly/1a1I1er.