'¿Cómo conduzco?' 'Um, not very well'

Sometimes, what is seen as a bad practice in one culture can be viewed as something to be lauded in another. Or at least no one seems to get too worked up about it, which can be a bit puzzling if it wasn’t what you were brought up on.

Is that '¿cómo conduzco?' sticker a cry out for help?

Now, while many of the cultural traits in Colombia are not that far removed from what this writer is used to, there are a few head-scratchers all the same.

Enough has been written previously in these quarters about relationships and suchlike, so let’s stay clear of that area this time around. Plus, considering the topic, it’s best not to be completely, erm, ‘driven round the bend’ by trying to analyse this in too broad a scope.

Thus, the focus this time around is on the style of Colombian driving, especially – but not exclusively – in relation to those who drive for a living.

Basically, the general custom is to drive your vehicle as hard as you can, weaving in and out of whatever traffic gets in your way, then equally brake as hard as you can when you must stop (as inconvenient as stopping is when you’re in ‘full flow’).

In fact, quite paradoxically in a country where not much trust is put in anybody or anything – often with good reason – many Colombians appear to put a huge amount of trust in mechanical brakes.

Indeed, given such behaviour, there’s little wonder why a good number of Colombians, women from this perspective anyway, have firm figures. 

For when you have to make a move to get off a city bus, or when you’re standing from the moment you get on, you’d have an easier time keeping your balance on a small yacht in the middle of a violent storm on the high seas. A good workout for your body’s core you might say, to go along with the regular squat exercises taken on public transport.

It's easier to keep your balance when the bus is crowded.

It’s also a common occurrence to see rival bus drivers go to battle with their vehicles – like modern-day lancers – if they’ve been impeded trying to do their route as fast as they can. ‘Passengers. What passengers?’

Of course, from a Bogotá point of view, this rough-and-tumble, aggressive way of driving was due to change with the arrival of, firstly, the Transmilenio and then the SITP. Commuting in the city would be transformed into something resembling an angelic procession. Well, so some people told us.

However, to paraphrase the old saying, ‘You can take the man out of the colectivo, but you can’t take the colectivo (style of driving that is) out of the man.’

The SITP and, to a lesser extent, Transmilenio drivers are from the same mould as their predecessors.

Yes, it’s early days for the new system and changing a culture takes time. Plus, drivers in Bogotá, and throughout Colombia, aren’t helped by the appalling state of many of the main highways and byways.

Yet, for the moment, some money could be saved by not bothering to post those ‘¿Cómo conduzco?’ (literally, 'How do I drive?') stickers on the back of most vehicles. That’s because there’s pretty much a universal answer: ‘Not very well.’

Or perhaps we’re looking at the question the wrong way (as is this blog's wont, obviously). It could be a cry for help, as in ‘How do I actually drive this vehicle?’ The evidence certainly supports this.

Driving lessons – another opening in the Colombian market.

Time to Sitp — but how?

It’s now almost two years since Bogotá’s Sitp (Sistema Integrado de Transporte Público, Integrated Public Transport System) buses started rolling out. 

Unlike Santiago de Chile, authorities here went for a gradual process of replacing the old private, cash-in-hand system of busetas/colectivos with the new ‘streamlined’, public-private, card-based model.

Come on people, don't be shy; jump right on. (Photo from Facebook.)

However, we’re fast approaching Sitp domination time. Well, according to those calling the shots we are. 

Speaking on the introduction of an exclusive Sitp bus corridor on one of the capital’s main thoroughfares, Carrera Septima (7th Avenue), the city’s mobility secretary María Constanza García said that by the first week of September they hoped to have “retired 100 per cent the routes of the old buses that are on the corridor.”

Experience lets us know that such an aspiration might be a just a tad ambitious; especially judging by the first few days of the new ‘exclusive’ lane way. It’s difficult to see the old, fume-spluttering buses meekly retire in the coming weeks when demand for them seems as high as ever.

Despite all the efforts to wean people off their previous way of commuting, it’s still a common sight to see – a few routes aside – a near-empty blue Sitp bus crawling alongside an old school one with people hanging out the doors.

This lack of enthusiasm among the city’s inhabitants to change their ways is not surprising when you consider the current state of play. 

Firstly, the lack of easy-to-find route information is a major hindrance. OK, there is an app, Moovit, which serves somewhat as an on-line route finder. Yet it nearly tries to be too clever, telling people where to walk, for what distance and what shops you can find along the way (yes, I made that last one up; could be an idea, though). Most people just want to know which bus goes where. On that, it scores badly.

Some physical maps at the actual bus shelters and a little more detailed information on the stops for each route would come in handy, rather than some irrelevant bus number with just the final destination.

Regardless of that, there doesn’t seem to be a ready-made replacement for the Calle 19 (19th Street)/Carrera Tercera (3rd Avenue), Septima north-bound route; a popular, busy run that has been generally well served under the old operators.

What’s more, the private system – in typical Colombian contradictory fashion – still seems more user-friendly, even if this ‘user-friendliness’ is often a major inconvenience not only for other road users but fellow passengers also. 

Indeed, what you might think is good one day about the old buses’ way of doing things can be a source of frustration the next.

Old school: They haven't gone away, you know.

For example, that you can flag down or get off one of them from any location is great. However, if you’re on a bus in a rush to get somewhere and it’s stopping every second to pick up and drop off people, breaking like a rally car, it’s damn right annoying.

Then you have what is probably one of the busetas/colectivos biggest pull factors: The fact that you can get on even if you don’t have the full fare. 

Just wave a 1,000 peso note at the driver to signal your lack of funds and more often than not he (for it’s rarely a she) will let you on. 

On the downside, in contrast to the more regulated, ‘cold’, Sitp, the old system is still awash with the not very washed, usually unwelcome, bus vendors and wannabe rap artists.

So while Bogotá’s bus future may be Sitp blue, there’s still a bit of life in the old operators yet. 

Let’s see how things unfold over the next two years. Sure what’s the rush guys?

A rare 'horse before the cart' moment in Bogotá

Change very often takes time. That’s especially the case here in Latin America. A good few months have passed since we wrote about Bogotá ‘dulling down’ (see http://bit.ly/XdUg5U) in terms of, for one, the introduction of a new integrated, more organised, less colourful mode of transport for the city.

Unpopular: Bogotanos remain frosty towards the SITP.

Take up, though, of the SITP* and its cashless, card-operated system has been a slow burner to say the least. When you can hop on and hop off the old-school buses anywhere you want throughout the city i.e. there are no designated stops, and at times for not even the full fare, it’s hard to swap such a service for one, let’s say, ‘less flexible’. 

Plus, with no visible reduction in the number of the private buseta/colectivo operators, commuters in the Colombian capital aren’t exactly being forced to change their ways.

There has, however, been more proactive action on one of the areas that we mentioned in ‘Dulling down’ Bogotá. In the past few days authorities have begun taking some of the old and not-so-old workhorses off the streets — no we’re not referring to people here (not yet anyway) but actual horses and the carts they’ve been pulling around the city’s highways and byways for years. 

It’s all part of Mayor Gustavo Petro’s plan to eradicate the maltreatment of animals in the metropolis, something these equines often suffer from. Indeed, it’s not just the horses that are forced into heavy labour; we’ve witnessed the odd dog being used as a substitute from time to time. However, the canines’ day for salvation will have to wait it seems.

Since it was first announced a few years back to take our hoofed friends off the tarmac, the move had been put on hold for some time which led a number of the city’s residents to believe that it would never happen. 

However, it’s now in full swing, with already more than 50 horses taken into safekeeping, away from the madness of the concrete jungle where they once had to compete with wildly driven, carbon-spouting buses to name just one of the many hazards. 

It’s expected that most, if not all, of the over 2,800 of these animals will be in greener pastures and more tranquil surroundings on the outskirts of the city and beyond by September of this year.

Brighter future ahead for Bogotá's horses?

Now, for some the removal of the horse-and-cart from Bogotá’s streets takes a little bit of colour away from the place — a throwback to more innocent times, perhaps, is being lost. Yes, there may be something in that, but considering the loads many of them were being forced to carry and the aforementioned craziness of the drivers of motorised vehicles in the city, for the horses own well-being this move has to be welcomed.

As for their owners, who are now without a valuable ‘work colleague’ you might say (or slave as others would point out), they haven’t been completely forgotten. They are due to receive 36-times the minimum salary for each horse they own, with the money to be used to invest in a mechanically operated cart, a business plan, or for pensioners and people with a disability they have the option to put the money into improving their place of residence.

Indeed with this financial compensation, the owners of these horses, after understandably being opposed to the measure when it was first mooted, seem largely cooperative now. A rare win for everybody it seems — the city and its residents, the horse owners and, most importantly for many observers, the once hapless horses themselves.

Down and out, without much help.

What next? Could the authorities in Bogotá now turn their attention to taking the thousands of homeless and deprived human beings in this city off the streets? Let’s not get too carried away now. While this equine move has been a rare 'horse before the cart' moment for these parts — a positive measure — some of the actual cart owners and many others continue to be forgotten about.

If you’re of a certain standing in this city, you’ve a better chance of being recognised and helped if you’re on four legs rather than two. Alas, many barely have any leg to stand on.

__________________________
*SITP: 'Sistema de Transporte Público de Bogotá' or Bogotá's Public Transport System if you will.

For more horse-related stories, see 'Horse it into ya' http://bit.ly/WhbuAE

Bogotá's simple pleasures

It should come as no surprise to you that we’re far from high-maintenance here at Wrong Way. It’s the simple, small things in life that we tend to derive most pleasure from.

Keep it simple, stupid

That’s why, for example, we like to do our grocery shopping in Bogotá at La 14 – the supermarket that feeds you for ‘free’ while you stock up. 

It is said that you should never shop on an empty stomach but having something to eat before you hit for La 14 (on weekend afternoons anyway) will only spoil your experience. Between the various complimentary servings on offer – meat, pasta, biscuits, cereal, fruit, ice-cream, you name it – you generally leave there quite satisfied. 

We’d nearly (nearly that is) pay a little bit more for such customer service. But get this, it’s about the best value supermarket around – as close to a win-win scenario you’ll get in these parts.

'Me regalas 'una grande' Servio, por favor.' Quality service with a smile.

When it comes to our favourite vice of alcohol we’re more than happy out knocking down a few 750 ml bottles of the national brews Aguila or Poker in a local tienda (‘old man’s bar’, as we’d refer to them in Ireland) for the very agreeable price of 2,300 pesos (about €1 or so). 

Go to the more upmarket Bogotá Beer Company (BBC) chains or the "Irish" Pubs and you’ll pay at least four times more for just three-quarters the quantity of booze. 

 

Plus, in those places you tend to be just another number. In our local tiendas, we’re greeted with a handshake and a smile each time we visit. It’s nice to feel welcomed (the fact we tend to polish off a nice few bottles plays its part in our being gleefully greeted. We do, after all, have to play up to the Irish stereotype).

The same goes for our regular café visits – we find the simple, rough-and-ready local ones far more agreeable in price, atmosphere and customer service (the latter we refer to in Latin American terms – the standards are pretty low on that front. See ‘Doing Business in SA’ http://bit.ly/LVpK8p for more). 

What’s more, we don’t tend to see a major difference in the quality compared to a "fancy" Juan Valdez or an Oma coffee house.

Simple, cheap & very satisfying - the local café.

For many Bogotanos, though, it’s not hip to be seen in your bog-standard café – the same goes for drinking in the tiendas. Such an approach is usually fine for the women because they don’t expect to pay anyway. 

You would think, then, that they’d allow the men choose the location, but no. We, however, are quite principled on this one, usually. 

Forking out greater-than-European prices to drink in places where, firstly, you're treated no better than dirt and, secondly, the clientèle and environment are generally very fake is not our thing. We can happily live without the people who frequent such places.

The above simple pleasures are ones we now know and expect. They still, of course, do the trick but it’s always nice to get treated from an unexpected source every now and again. 

However, such unplanned random experiences can be hard to come by in this city. We had one, though, on a recent buseta/colectivo journey.

OK, we have expressed before (see ‘Bogotá’s Transport Truths’ http://bit.ly/N68gKL and ‘Dulling Down Bogotá’ http://bit.ly/XdUg5U) our preference for these old-school city transport buses but that was more because we felt they were the least-bad option, not because we found taking them overly pleasurable.

What made this particular commute to one of our classes a stand-out experience was the conduct of our conductor or bus driver, if you will. 

As it was initially unclear from the colourful but confusing route display (nothing unusual there) if this bus we’d flagged down was going in the direction we needed, we had to ask the driver to make sure. 

Once Señor Conductor realised we were native English speakers, he immediately ushered us into his screened-off zone – a place usually reserved for family members or very, very good friends. 

This is the business class/VIP section of Bogotá public transport. A front-row seat right next to the driver, out of view from the "commoners" in the back. How privileged we felt.

The 'special' bus seat next to the driver - usually only reserved for family.

The reason he invited us in to his sanctuary was because he has a desire to learn English (although, our conversation was all in Spanish). We’ll let the fact slide that he has so far failed to follow up on his offer of inviting us to dinner – sure you can’t win them all. 

In any case, the special bus journey was enough to put is in a positive mood for the rest of the morning.

So as you can see we tend to be easily pleased here - very much subscribers to the 'keep it simple, stupid' principle. Alas, it can be hard to get the ladies to sign up to the same programme. We'll keep trying, though.