Introducing "our" Colombia

We all, those of us with links to the place at least, have our own views about Colombia and what it represents. There are, obviously enough, many ways to look at it.

Nonetheless, however you view it, do remember that it is ColOmbia not ColUmbia. For a country with so much to offer and seemingly growing ever more popular by the day, some outsiders still can't spell it correctly. Hence the line 'The only "u" that should be in Colombia is you.' Clever enough stuff, eh?

So as a helping hand in this regard, taking each letter of the country's name, here we give our — sideways, you might say — take on what Colombia is for us.

Changua: Not everybody's favourite. (Photo by Jorvato, Wikipedia.)

C is for changua

Admittedly this isn't the first thing people think of when linking the letter 'c' to Colombia. Most would more than likely go for the country's world-renowned coffee. (No? What were you thinking of, then?)

Yet, we're plumping for changua here, not only because we find it delicious, especially in combating a hangover (on the rare occasions we have one), but also because not many outsiders will know about it.

In fact, the changua we love -- a couple of cracked eggs cooked in milk with bread, cilantro (coriander) leaves, a bit of onion and perhaps garlic, ideally some cheese melted in as well, with salt to taste -- is pretty much a Bogotá speciality. It's hard to get that exact mix on offer in other parts of the country.

For most who haven't tried it, it sounds revolting. We have to admit, we thought the same. But it works, and works wonderfully if you ask us.

O is for office

One of the 'offices' ...

We've had a few offices scattered around the capital; they've generally depended on where we've been living at the time.

Basically, we're on about panaderías, the bog(otá)-standard bread and coffee shops. Delightful places to get an affordable coffee with milk (a perico) and snack-sized portions of fresh bread, all the better when they're just out of the oven. We call them the office as we tend to spend a good deal of time in them, be it to do some writing or other work, or simply just to chill out.

Giovanni's on Calle 32 just up from Carrera 5 in La Perseverancia (see below) remains a favourite even though we now live miles away from there. Max Pan in Barrio Santandercito and Vicky's in Barrio Nueva Zelandia are new regulars in our current north Bogotá base.

Lost City

L is for Lost City (Ciudad Perdida)

Colombia's Machu Picchu so to put it, but somewhat quainter and allegedly older. It's now over eight years since we visited this ancient indigenous settlement hidden away (well, not quite now!) in the Sierra Nevada de Santa Marta jungle off the Caribbean coast, yet it left a lasting impression.

Things might have changed a little since then, but we found the three-day trek to reach it more authentic, and certainly far less congested, than the more celebrated Inca ruins. While we're due a return, there remain other popular and not-so-popular beauty spots that we've yet to visit here; 'a lot seen, a lot more to see'. All in its own good time.

O is for Ordóñez

An important 'o' this, insofar as some people put a 'u' in here. Don't. That's a different place.

So rather than 'u for Uribe' we've got 'o for Ordóñez', the nation's former inspector general who's now a 2018 presidential candidate.

As mentioned in a previous post, in many ways Alejandro Ordóñez represents traditional Colombia, so he's worthy of inclusion here. That and the fact that of the country's political big guns, he's one of only a couple we've met, briefly as it was.

M is for mujeres

We could have used 'c' for chicas, but changua is far more important (and rewarding). So we'll mention the women, 'mujeres' here.

Colombia, of course, is well known for its beautiful women, but that beauty often comes at a price, in all sorts of ways. This is certainly the case for the majority of the ones we've tried to woo anyway.

We've practically written the book on that in a host of previous blog posts (you can start with 'Ignoring is bliss' and work back from there), so we'll say no more, other than try not to take things too seriously if you do get involved on this score. It's better in the long run.

B is for Bogotá

An obvious one, but it has been the base of our Colombian operation and it's a city that still exerts a strange hold on us.

When we do eventually leave the place, there are lots of things we'll miss. They're just not always easy to point out.

I is for IQuiz "The Bogotá Pub Quiz"

Self-serving this may be, but we're talking about our experiences in the almost six years we've been here, and IQuiz has played a significant part. Put simply, our labour of love.

Best buddies!

A is for Abril 

No, we're not referring to the month of April, which is abril in Spanish. We're on about the surname Abril, and more specifically our good friend Fernando Abril.

For sure, Colombia has many amazing and unique things going for it, but as in many walks of life, it's often the simpler ones that matter most.

In this regard, Fernando, his small tienda and a number of the clientele in the not-quite-salubrious surroundings of La Perseverancia have been a memorable find.

Yes, in other barrios we've found similar places, but Fernando's and the folk of La Perse are the original, the first 'true love' so to put it (with a worthy mention of a bar up Barrio Egipto way, the precursor to La Perse in a sense).

So that's 'our Colombia', one version of it anyway. Each to their own and all that.

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The Pastrana-Uribe alliance: Colombia's path to 'redemption'

For many of the old and not-so-old bearded lefties, both men and, um, women, it's a nightmare scenario. A presidential candidate under the auspices of former heads of state Álvaro Uribe and Andrés Pastrana sweeping to victory in next year's election.

The two ex-presidents, anti the peace deal with the Farc that's currently in operation, have come together in a grand alliance of the winning 'no' side in last year's referendum on the peace accords. The far-too-liberal agenda must be checked, the Good Ship Colombia needs to return to calmer waters, and these doyens of the country's politics can guide her there.

It's not clear at this remove who'll be the actual face on the ballot paper, the Pastrana-Uribe puppet on a string so to put it, but with the big guns in his (it's sure to be a man) corner, it practically doesn't matter.

The likely lads: Uribe (l) with Pastrana. (Photo from Facebook.)

Now, while we've written here before that when it comes to genuine choice in Colombian elections it's generally la misma mierda ('the same sh*t') whatever you're having, there might just be merit in the 'new, old way' with Messrs Pastrana and Uribe. Here's why:

A firm hand

Let's be honest, if you give sneaky characters an inch, they'll take a mile and then some. In these parts, we've plenty of such types from all walks of life. From a political perspective, some of those dastardly ex-Farc lads are now trying to pass themselves off as honest politicians alongside other leftist relics looking to impose their far out ideas on the country.

It's not exactly a case of nipping this in the bud as it's been going on throughout President Santos' stewardship, but the Pastrano-Uribe ticket can stop the rot. The old Uribe line was, 'A firm hand, a big heart', so it's time we saw that firm hand again (it's better not to ask how firm that hand might be; rest assured it will take no prisoners when needs be).

Sure Colombia could do with a bit of population pruning; look no further than these guys for that.

The Lord is my shepherd

Not only does the country appear to be floating more towards nasty socialism akin to the mess that is Venezuela, but it also seems to be becoming more secular.

The fundamentalist Catholic candidate Alejandro Ordóñez provides one anecdote to that, but Pastrano-Uribe may just have a broader, whisper it, 'sexier' appeal.

The papal visit later this year is set to ensure that Colombia's religious fervour gets a good shot in the arm as well, not that it really needs it (as hypocritical as it tends to be all the same).

Religion still matters here and Pastrano-Uribe has that base covered as good as the best of them.

More Maduro than Maduro himself

Speaking of Venezuela, we've the Nicolás Maduro factor next door.

The Pastrano-Uribe alliance could be seen as fighting fire with fire to tackle the firebrand, if rather clownish, premier. Counter one idiotic proposal or statement with another. The perfect blocking tactic. Genius.

Tweet like Trump

You can't be a top president nowadays, so it goes anyway, without being a dab hand at the old Twitter machine.

In this regard, Álvaro Uribe even out trumps Trump — indeed, it might have been Uribe who The Donald took inspiration from. He's been shooting off (careful now) controversial, divisive tweets for years. No doubt he'll be extolling the virtues of such a strategy to his anointed one for this election.

It's not enough to be a real-life bloody commander, you've got to be a virtual killing machine these days, too.

Whatever the case, there certainly shouldn't be a dull moment with the Pastrana-Uribe alliance in the mix in the run-up to round one of the presidential election next May. Just sit back and enjoy the ride we're all going to be taken on; there's not much else we can do.
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Colombia decides 2018: What'll yours be?

After eight years of the good, the bad and the ugly with Juan Manuel Santos, next year the Colombian electorate will vote for a new president.

There's still a bit to go before we know the, um, range of candidates on the actual ballot paper, but there are a few who have already indicated their intention to run for the highest office in the land.

Plus, considering there's generally very little ideological difference among those who do put their names forward — due largely to an old policy of murdering any politician with just a hint of socialism about him/her — it's very much like choosing you're favourite, bog-standard Bavaria beer, the beer company of Colombia (owned by Anheuser-Busch InBev as it is now).

'Aguila' Ordóñez, what Colombia should be about ..

We all tend to prefer one over the other, but they're essentially the same not-very-classy poison that may leave us with a headache and regret if we get too involved and put too much faith in them as instruments of change in our mediocre lives. (OK, that's a bit harsh on the beer, and at least it's not the ridiculously overpriced Bogotá Beer Company.)

With that as a guide, here we look at some of those in the mix at this early stage (subject to much change):

Gustavo 'Poker' Petro

Poker Petro is at home in Bogotá, where it has held sway for much of the working-to-middle classes for some time, a few flat, controversial moments notwithstanding.

The problem is, this populism doesn't tend to transfer to the other major urban centres. The label is seen as a little bland elsewhere, a tad bitter even. Thus, we'd expect it to do well in Bogotá along with a smattering of other towns and could go close. Yet a decent volume of support doesn't always turn into votes. The Poker grande (750 ml) might be popular and look impressive, but it's just one bottle. Two standard 330 ml Aguila bottles appear better on the table in the minds of some Colombians.

Alejandro 'Aguila' Ordóñez

At this remove it's all a bit clustered and hazy on Colombia's right, where you'll find all the 'políticos Aguila'. Yet for the moment an Aguila Ordóñez fits this slot pretty well (as does any one coming out of the ideologically-similar Centro Democrático). That is to say, the beer of Colombia. It matches, in a typically paradoxical way, what the country should be about. Aguila has the Colombian colours, the chicas, the vibrancy; Ordóñez the old-school Catholicism, the traditionalism, the elitism. A perfect match.

Foreigners often fail to get the appeal; it's a Colombian thing, we wouldn't understand.

Jorge 'Costeña' Robledo

The beer that could be king. However, in a significant part of the country it's not even known about. Ask for a Costeña Robledo and you'll get a strange look. Where you can get it, it suffers from not sharing in the same sort of lofty limelight as our Pokers and Aguilas, even though it's just as good if not a bit better. Yet it's the black, 'potentially dangerous' sheep of the family, with its funny little shape. Knock back this brew and god knows what kind of crazy socialist path you might stumble down.

Sergio 'Pilsen' Fajardo

We're in Medellín/paisa country and surrounds with this one. In its own backyard, a Pilsen Fajardo more or less beats all the other Bavaria beers put together; it gets its people. The thing is, it doesn't travel well. In fact, it doesn't really travel at all.

Sure it's recognisable to those who aren't in its catchment area. Indeed many Aguila and Poker stalwarts have dabbled in it and spoken highly of it. Nonetheless, it's still a little different and a bit too regional, self-centred even. If Pilsen Fajardo broadens its horizons, it could be a force to be reckoned with.

Germán 'Aguila Cero' Vargas Lleras

This ticket has a strong name behind it, but it lacks any real punch and tastes rather odd. If you were going to pick a beer, you'd have to ask why would you go for this one? The other ones out there are more exciting and give you a little high, at least for a while before it all starts going downhill. An Aguila Cero Vargas might turn out to be the safest option (scientific research pending), but it seems a kind of a 'last resort' this. The dregs of Santos in a way.

Aguila Light López tends to leave you disappointed ...

Claudia 'Aguila Light' López

It almost seems like a great deal. An alternative to the traditional 'Aguilistas', an Aguila Light López speaks for a new, brighter Colombia, but not in ridiculously radical ways. A sensible, middle-ground option we might say, yet refreshingly different enough from the old-school popular boys.

That's the theory anyway. The reality is, it generally leaves you a little disappointed. It promises a high, but you tend to get too tired and lose patience before you reach it. What's more, you end up with a bigger hole in your wallet than if you'd just stuck with the old normal ones.

So there we have it. The not-very-definitive guide to some of the potential candidates for the Colombian presidency. Merry times ahead indeed.

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The Aroca case: An early test for post-conflict Colombia?

Stop the presses! 'Colombian politician in corruption scandal!' 

In a country that does corruption as regularly and spectacularly as the best of them, it's not a very exciting announcement, is it? It's even less so when the story comes from the country's backwater department of Putumayo. 'Move on, nothing to see here.'

Governor Aroca: Her political career is on the line. (Photo from Facebook.)

Yet, digging a bit deeper into this distant affair, it appears there's something a little sinister going on. 

The politician accused of the wrongdoing may actually be the victim. Dark forces with the state's legal apparatus behind them conspiring to remove a governor from office as she doesn't quite suit their agenda. That's the thinking in some quarters anyway.

Here's the low-down: Putumayo's first female governor, Sorrel Aroca Rodríguez of the Allianza Verde (Green Alliance), was found to have committed irregularities in the signing of life insurance contracts for eleven deputies during her time as president of the department's assembly in 2014. 

The investigating authority, La Procuraduría (Inspector General), has ordered that she be dismissed as governor and banned from serving public office for eleven years.

The amount of money in question here is 20 million Colombian pesos, about €6,000, so not exactly astronomical. Plus, it appears that there was no personal financial gain for Aroca out of this episode.

What she has been blamed of is running up additional, unnecessary costs, as well as not being transparent in her actions. Whatever the case, it certainly seems the punishment far outweighs whatever crime she may have been guilty of. Of all the corrupt things that happen here, this seems pretty mediocre.

For Aroca's supporters, there's more than a whiff of something underhand at work here. Her young, female face doesn't fit the bill for the traditionalists, thus they want her out.

Questions have been raised over the way the case seemed to be fast-tracked through the Procuraduría's office, in what is seen as a final hit from the old Alejandro Ordóñez regime. (Ordóñez has previous form in trying to take out those not of his own creed.)

As somebody who describes herself as a governor for a post-conflict Colombia, if it is a case of conservative forces moving against the 39-year-old, it highlights the kind of problems the country faces in trying to put a bloody past behind it.

Aroca is appealing the decision and for the Putumayans who want her to stay on as governor, the hope is that her case will be viewed in a more favourable light under the new Fernando Carrillo-led Procuraduría.

However, should the Procuraduría's original finding hold and Aroca is removed from office, it won't cause too much of a stir in Bogotá's corridors of power. 

Therein might lie one of the bigger problems for this new Colombia being constructed, continuing to ignore the fringes. We'll watch this space with interest.
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