The Bogotá nomad

It has been said that the first item on the agenda of a newly formed Irish political party is the split. Ireland just doesn't do unity very well, it seems.

Houses, houses everywhere but none that suits Wrong Way ...

Borrowing from that, after over eight years of Bogotá as my base, it would seem the first item on my imaginary agenda when I move into new accommodation is, 'Where will I live next?'

A moving target

I count 16 room rentals, excluding hostels, that I've had in the Colombian capital. That is to say, two house moves a year on average, although, somewhat embarrassingly, I've just completed move number three in as many months. Come on, we are living in, wait for it, unprecedented times, so this year's upheaval is excusable.

(I'm pretty sure I would have stayed where I was from June 2019 to March of this year had there been no lockdown, coming as it did with the prospect of sharing a house with a noisy six-year-old boy — the rules of engagement changed and I didn't like what I was facing into.)

Also, it's important to note that in the period from September 2016 to September 2018 — when I returned to Ireland for a family event, uncertain as to my Colombian future — I stayed in the same place.

You could say I found something resembling comfort in that apartment share on the city's northern reaches, 175th Street just off the motorway (autopista norte). Indeed, that greater area, especially Barrio Santandercito/San Antonio, remains my "stomping ground" of sorts.

Granted, it's quite far away from the centre and "hip" Chapinero and its surrounds, parts of town that could be said to be a little more cosmopolitan — they certainly have more foreign faces about in any case.

'My Colombian life has never really felt that real.'

Despite that, or perhaps because of it, I certainly don't miss living in the historic centre, La Candelaria, for one. In terms of city living, I want for little in the far north — bar my own place of course.

So, you ask, why haven't I got that after all this time? For starters, had I known back in 2012 that Bogotá would be my home for this long, it's fairly likely I would have made finding my own place a priority, thus nipping this housing headache in the bud.

Alas, like a garden bush you keep promising yourself to trim back but never get around to it, this issue has grown rather wild over the years. Now it just seems overwhelming to tackle.

And every time I'm reminded of it i.e. I have to move again, I usually think I won't be in the city too much longer so a short-term solution is the best approach, especially from a financial perspective (that's not only the more expensive rent but also the cost of making a vacant property a home for what may only be a couple of months).

The Colombian dream

You see, I've never been at a stage here where I've said to myself, 'Yea, this is it. I'm happy with what I'm doing so if nothing changes over the next while I see no reason to leave.'

Basically, if somebody had asked me that highly annoying, completely unoriginal interview question, 'Where do you see yourself in five years' time?', from a what-part-of-the-world perspective, at no time over the last eight years would I have answered 'Bogotá'. (In fairness, my general response to such a question is, 'Sorry, my clairvoyant skills just aren't what they used to be.')

At the risk of getting somewhat philosophical here, the thing is my Colombian life has never really felt that real. I came here on a bit of an adventure, to 'give it a lash'. A return to real living, you know, a proper, relatively well-paid job, maybe even settling down, having children, that kind of stuff, that's for somewhere else, not here.

That's been my thought process in any case. Nothing this year has changed that. In fact, it's only been reinforced.

The question is, what next? Now, if I can find a satisfying answer to that in the coming months, great. To borrow from one Irish "party" that has managed to avoid the inevitable split, I still haven't found what I'm looking for (that's the band U2, in case you're wonderin). Of course, one has to define what one is looking for before it can be found.

With that in mind, I'm as confident as I can be that having my own place is a necessity. It's a start, at least.
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Listen to Wrong Way's Colombia Cast podcast here.

Facebook: Wrong Way Corrigan — The Blog & IQuiz "The Bogotá Pub Quiz".

'IQuiz you not; Bogotá's top trivia night is back!'

It's a new year (are we still allowed to call it that?) and time for a new IQuiz. Yes, that somewhat novel — in a Bogotá context anyway — night out that has taken the city by, um, storm. Well a sort of inconspicuous storm.

The first ever IQuiz winners. Can they win again?!

It was a case of 'eight not out' last year with each of them being fairly successful for a fledgling event. The concept of a pub table quiz generally doesn't require explaining to Western expats, but for some Colombians it does. It's not a 'serious' test of one's knowledge, just a few differently-themed rounds of generally light-hearted questions in a fun, slightly alcohol-fuelled (if that’s your wont) environment. And you do it with company; friends and/or strangers. You could call it — at a stretch — salsa for those who don't want to get off their seats.

This time, for the first one of 2016, we're trialling a new venue; the idea always has been that IQuiz can be a moveable feast. So after alternating between The Pub's (or the 'Irish Pub' as some call it) La Candelaría and Zona T venues, for this latest renewal we're at the newly opened Pub House on Carrera Séptima with Calle 51 in Chapinero.

As a heads-up for this latest edition (keep it to yourself), we've got an audio round based on Oscar-winning songs, a picture round where you've to name the beer from its logo, a crossword puzzle round, a round of 'firsts' and a couple of general knowledge rounds.

Now while a quiz is nothing without the participants (and thanks to all those who have come and, hopefully, are going to come), having decent prizes also helps. In this regard, our host venues have been helpful providing free drinks and discounts while the trophy prize comes courtesy of the Irish whiskey Tullamore DEW. Ron Medellín is also on board this time around. The sponsorship is of course well received; more is always welcome, too!

So if you find yourself looking for something to do on Thursday February 18th, you could do worse than check out IQuiz "The Bogotá Pub Quiz"; honestly, you could. The Facebook event page has all the details. Plus, with St Patrick's Day coming up next month, we're in line to have an IQuiz special to celebrate that. What fun times ahead; here’s hoping anyway!

*For an idea of what to expect, below was our picture round from a previous quiz. How many of the landmarks do you know? (No cheating!):

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Dining with death

Bright building with a dark past.

Contrary to popular belief, every now and again we don't mind spending a little more than the norm of our hard-earned Colombian pesos here. This is especially so if it seems worth it. 

That happened to be the case when the opportunity arose to dine in one of Bogotá’s most famous – well, infamous really – restaurants. Quality Italian food in a fairly luxurious setting (for us anyway) with a dark history was just too good an offer to turn down. 

Plus, we couldn’t let our departing Irish friend, from the UK part of the island albeit (no offence intended, Colin), feast on his own for his 'last supper' in Colombia.

Now, using such phrases as we have in that last sentence is moving into quite unsettling territory considering the place we’re referring to: Pozzetto restaurant. 

Why? Well, firstly we must say we were ignorant of its truly shocking past until we were invited to go there. For those of you in a similar position, here’s a brief account of one of the craziest days, and people, Bogotá has witnessed – and that’s saying something.

To start, a necessary background briefing on the man this all revolves around – Colombian native Campo Elías Delgado. A quick Google search will tell you that he, reputedly, served in Vietnam with the US army, after which he lived as a refugee in New York before returning to Bogotá, finding work there as an English teacher. 

His experiences in Vietnam were said to have made him antisocial and resentful, while he also blamed his mother for many of the problems he had in his life. His descent into what can only be described as utter madness reached its nadir on 04 December 1986.

Mass murderer — Campo Elías Delgado.

His day of carnage started by stabbing to death one of his teenage students along with her mother in their apartment. From there he returned to the apartment he shared with his mother, arming himself for his next round of slaughter. 

That started by killing his mother with a single stab to the back of the neck. He then set her body alight, went out to the apartment complex corridor and alerted other residents to the fire. As his neighbours emerged he killed them one by one – one man with his knife, another five by gunshot.

Still blood thirsty – and seemingly hungry – Delgado headed to the aforementioned, exclusive Pozzetto restaurant. 

On arrival, he ordered spaghetti bolognese along with red wine and eight vodka tonics. He tucked into that for about an hour before beginning the final part of the slaying, opening fire on his fellow diners. 

Although one woman managed to quickly call the police, Delgado still had time to slaughter 21 people before they arrived. His method was to coldly corner his victims, shoot them in the forehead, then move on to the next.

When the police eventually landed Delgado held them off for about a minute before finally being shot dead himself.

In total he ended the lives of 30 people that day, the majority of them at Pozzetto.

Fine dining — the stylish interior of Pozzetto.

As far as our experience at the same restaurant went, well needless to say, and thankfully, it was nothing like the above.

Indeed it’s hard to imagine that such a slaughter could have happened in such salubrious surroundings. 

The only shots taken were those from our camera, the majority coming courtesy of our enthusiastic but far-from-clinical waiter. If only Delgado had had such a hopeless aim.

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*For those in Bogotá interested in checking out Pozzetto, it's located in the Chapinero district, Carrera 7 # 61-24.

Doing business in SA

‘South America: a great place to visit, just don’t do business with its inhabitants.’ That’s the common refrain you are likely to hear from Western-world expats settled in Latin America. 

Considering the genuine friendliness of the majority of its people coupled with the unforgettable delights of the land mass itself, such a statement may come as a surprise for those just passing through the Spanish-speaking countries here. But putting emotional ties aside and taking a deeper, colder look, perhaps we shouldn’t be too taken aback. 

Spending a little more time here than the average visitor and engaging in daily activities outside of the main tourist drag, you begin to see just why the majority of countries in South America have so far failed to realise their potential in an economic sense. 

Now, before you say this might be a bit rich coming from an Irishman given the perilous state of our own economy at present, it must be said that the resources — natural and otherwise — available to most of the Spanish-speaking nations here more than dwarf those at Ireland’s disposal. 

South America: A colourful place but tread carefully.

Part of the problem is the Spanish legacy. When you’re a descendant — as most of the power brokers in Latin America are — of a colonising race that put short-term gain over long-term sustainability, you’re coming from a shaky foundation. 

While the Spanish were not famed for leaving much behind in the lands they fleeced, one thing they did instil in South America is a greed mentality that blinkers foresight. Take what you can now, deal with the consequences later. Trouble is, because you plundered all you could from the get-go, you have nothing left to deal with those future problems.

Here’s a contemporary example of this sort of thinking in action. On a night out in Bogotá’s ‘hip’ Chapinero district with three fellow Europeans — two Dutch guys and a German — we wandered into one of the many bars/clubs in the area, looking for a few beers. Nothing out of the ordinary there, eh? 

Now, considering the night was young, it was beers we wanted at this stage — nothing stronger, just yet. And given that almost everybody in the place was doing just that — drinking beers — we didn’t expect any problems. 

How silly of us. With no other explanation other than the fact that we were different, i.e. not South American, never mind Colombian, we were told that the only alcohol we could purchase was bottles of spirits — the cheapest of those being rum at $50,000 Colombian pesos (roughly €20). 

While between four lads that price, relatively speaking, isn’t that much, the fact that practically all the other clientèle in the establishment were drinking beer, why discriminate against us? I mean, the bar staff were dishing out beer right in front of our eyes — it’s not like the place had run out of it or anything. 

You see this is where this skewed, suicidal business sense comes into play. The staff saw four 'rich' Westerners and thought ‘let's get what we can from them straight away’. 

Now, maybe some other extranjeros — foreigners if you will — would have caved in and bought the costlier spirits, but we are quite a principled bunch. 

So instead of them serving us four beers at $4,000 Colombian pesos (COP) a pop, with the likelihood that we would have had at least another four and, heck knows, considering the group of us in it, we would have ended up getting the rum too after the beers, the staff tried to pin us for the $50,000 COP straight up. 

Alas, for them, they got nothing. A complete lack of vision — their colonising forefathers would have been proud. By the way, this episode was replicated in other venues that night. At least Bogotá’s Institute of Harebrained Business Solutions is thriving.

Alongside the above practice is the apparent incapability of many Latinos to say they don’t know something. 

In all fairness, there is nothing sinister at work here. It’s just that they seem so anxious to help that they feel compelled to say something other than ‘I don’t know’ — and what they say, more often than not, ends up leading you astray. 

As an English friend mused, if you need to ask South Americans for directions, it’s best to ask at least four people and from that you might just be able to piece together the correct location; if you’re lucky.

Coupled with this inability to say ‘I don’t know’, is the rather more sinister trait of never admitting being wrong. Even with video evidence showing culpability, you’ll rarely hear a South American admitting he/she was at fault. A Bart Simpson style ‘I didn’t do it’ — except without the follow-up hit record and TV appearances (apologies non-Simpsons fans — this YouTube video should help put you in the picture). 

Considering their questionable business tactics, it should not surprise us too much that many here feel the best way to get out of a hole is to keep digging, at speed.

Hence, you ask, why would anyone want to relocate here on a long-term basis, with the idea of doing business?  

Well, we are generalising here — there are, thankfully, some notable exceptions to the above. On the whole, however, where money-making opportunities arise are in areas where the locals don’t have a decent grasp — many of these happen to be in the tourism sector – along with areas where outside influence is practically unavoidable, such as teaching English. 

So there are openings in South America for outsiders. It might be best, though, just not to tell the locals.