Medellín's Plaza Putaero

Bienvenidos a Medellín - 'Bangkok light'. So ran the title of one of my earliest Google Blogger entries. 

I wrote it after spending a month in Colombia's second city where I worked in the Greek-owned Arcadia hostel in the gringo-infested Poblado neighbourhood, a somewhat exclusive party zone.

I'd grown frustrated at seeing the many ladies of the night in the area strutting their stuff, subtly as most did albeit. 

In that way, the Bangkok comparison may have been overstating it a bit — I did use 'light' all the same. The prostitution was more discreet but it was prostitution nonetheless. (Indeed, it could have been even subtler.)

Medellín's Plaza Botero: There's a bit more to it these days than just its iconic statues.

Missing Medellín

As a rather innocent country boy from the west of Ireland, it tainted my otherwise largely positive impression of Medellín, a city that has much more than just sex tourism going for it.

It would be wide of the mark to say it was because of this I had no desire to return there. It was more down to the fact that I live in bustling Bogotá, so when it has come to escaping its madness, I've opted for much smaller places to unwind.

Thus, a stronger reason than 'just because' was always needed to bring me back. That reason came in the form of a semi-business-related trip, flights paid for. OK, it was to the airport based in Rionegro, a city about a 40-minute drive from Medellín.

Yet, it is the airport that caters for most Medellín-bound passengers, so when I knew I'd be landing there the idea of a brief re-acquaintance after almost eight years with the Antioquia department capital was always on the cards.

"Unlike the Poblado prostitutes, these ones were not one bit discreet."

Incidentally, I did spend one night in Rionegro as it was there I had my business meeting. It seems a pleasant enough place with a well-kept main square, if a little pricey for the staples (read tienda beers in this instance; at 25,000 pesos for a quite decent hotel room, accommodation was reasonably priced, though).

With just over 24 hours in Medellín, to keep things simple plus a curiosity to see what my old employer's hostel was like after all these years, I decided to spend my one night in the aforementioned Arcadia.

As the bus from Rionegro dropped me close to the city centre, I took the opportunity to have a wander around there first before heading further south to Poblado. Get a feel for Medellín's 'raw' side — well, rawer compared to the leafy middle-class vibe around the hostel.

It was certainly lively in any case. There seemed a lot more going on than you'd normally get in Bogotá's historic centre. A big tourist attraction is the many Botero statues in the eponymous plaza.

Noisy public works aside, Plaza Botero was hiving with foreigners. Great for Medellín tourism.

Prostitution Plaza

The thing is, a good number of those foreigners were young ladies from neighbouring Venezuela. And they weren't there to get photos taken next to the large Botero works. Well, unless those statues were willing to pay them that is, if you get me.

I'm sure the many beautiful women offering their services there would much prefer it if that were the case, rather than having to get down and dirty with what often resemble real-life versions of Botero's oversized male sculptures. Needs must and all that, however.

In contrast to the subtle, nighttime manoeuvres of the Poblado prostitutes, in Plaza Botero they were anything but that. 

A fair-haired (what's left of it, that is) man walking alone, think of a moths-to-light scenario. "There's plenty of money in them there pockets", or whatever the equivalent expression is in Venezuelan Spanish.

That prostitution is happening in Medellín, sad for those who feel forced into doing it all the same, is not the issue here. It's the fact that it's so blatant in a very popular part of a city that prides itself on being one of the most progressive in Latin America.

Perhaps my visit this time coincided with a particularly promiscuous Friday afternoon on the not-so-free-love scene. However, with the hotels nearby readily set up for the trade, it seems it's standard practice these days.

Of course, there's nothing inherently wrong or illegal with it. I'm guessing, though, it's an image the city's tourism board doesn't want to portray. 

It's fair to say many visitors would find those much-maligned Pablo Escobar tours far less uncomfortable.
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Making Bogotá 'mejor para todos'

The last week in Bogotá saw a fair amount of uproar  —  and traffic disruption — following the decision by city authorities to ban motorcyclists from carrying male pillion passengers.

The measure, which applies to only certain sectors of the metropolis, is being introduced in a bid to curb (pun not really intended) street crime. You see, there is a chance in these parts that two men riding a motorbike are up to no good.

In Pablo Escobar's time, the wise move would have been to run for cover if you saw such a sight approaching. It mightn't be as dramatic these days, but there is a potential criminal risk all the same. Hence the move to outlaw them.

You just can't trust those who wear baseball caps ... (From Facebook.)

It's all part of Mayor Enrique Peñalosa's plans to build a Bogotá 'better for everyone' ('mejor para todos [y todas]', we mustn't leave out the ladies). These things take time.

To lend a helping hand in that pursuit (you can thank us later), here are another few brainwaves that should whip the city into line (she'll be a paradise in no time):

If the cap fits ...

Let's face it, anyone wearing a baseball cap is surely on the wrong side of the law. Well, except for the police officers who actually have them as part of their uniform. They are the law, of course.

Yet rounding up all others who wear them would no doubt result in a big reduction in crime.

It would also significantly reduce the number of people freely wandering about Bogotá. A win-win scenario if ever there was one.

Where would we keep all these captured young and not-so-young punks? We could send them to Venezuela. They'd feel right at home with President Nicolás Maduro and all the other crazy, baseball cap-clad politicians over there. Not only that, but it would help to provide a balance to the massive influx of Venezuelans to these parts, too. Let's get on it, post-haste.

Line out

Sticking with matters of the head (we're a thoughtful bunch), what about those lads with that James Rodríguez-style line in their hair? We have to question the motives of grown men who dare to care enough to do it. Line in the hair one day, up to lewd acts in public the next.

Out with them, we say. Or at least have them sent to the barbers to get the line shaved out.

You're kidding nobody with that look, James ... (From Facebook.)

No-child policy 

Nobody said cleaning up Bogotá was going to be easy. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

What we're calling for here is abortions for any pregnant stratum one or two women. The same for unemployed stratum-three women.

That should lead to a fall in the number of delinquents in the future.

Those in the other strata are fine. Colombia's more well-to-do classes don't commit crimes you see. You don't have to when everything's set up in your favour.

Queue chaos

OK, this one might be more of a personal crusade and may not actually improve things unlike the fine measures above. We're allowed one indulgence, though, aren't we?

It also could be seen as both drastic and almost impossible to implement, but hey, such concerns haven't stopped Colombian authorities before.

Basically, anyone who jumps a queue is to be sent for some sort of intense corrective coaching, which may or may not involve mild torture. This would likewise apply to those who block the doors of the Transmilenio, a particular bugbear of ours.

If introduced along with the measures above it would result in practically every inhabitant of Bogotá having to face the law. So be it. A city's gotta do what a city's gotta do.

We could suggest another few areas to 'come down on', but let's see how we get on with these solid proposals for the moment. We don't want to run the risk of turning the place into a police state. Firm but fair is how we see it.

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Colombia's comedown?

For the last 12 months or so Colombia seemed to be on the crest of a wave somewhat. This was mostly down to the implementation of the peace deal signed between the government and the country's largest rebel group, Farc.

Heady times, albeit superficially and in just some areas. The bounce Colombia got internationally was apparent in numerous foreign media reports naming it as one of the must-see places in 2017. 

Add to this President Juan Manuel Santos' scooping of the Nobel Peace Prize and the grounds for optimism were clearly there.

However, considering Colombians can be as cynical as the best of them (amongst themselves that is, not normally to outsiders) coupled with a belief in many quarters that the Farc peace accords change very little in practice, the optimism certainly appears to have waned. (It should get a small shot in the arm with Pope Francis's upcoming visit here in September.)

Bogotá and Colombia in general: A work progressing or regressing?

Indeed, for some, the place is getting worse. A well-to-do Scotsman who has called Colombia home for the last 27 years believes this to be the case. He says that for the first time in his almost three decades here, he feels things are regressing. That seems quite a statement bearing in mind that when he first came here Pablo Escobar was still wreaking havoc.

So why, at a time when Colombia seems as open and welcoming as it ever has been, the negativity? The following sheds some light on things:

Cocaine high

Cocaine. Its mere utterance gives most Colombians a sinking feeling; the scourge of the country for decades.

Of course, the substance is ingested just as much, if not more so, in North America, Europe and Australia as it is in these parts, but here is the source.

As long as the external demand and enormous profits to be made from it continue to exist, cocaine production won't slow down any time soon. In fact, the opposite has been the case of late, it has increased.

The money in the white powder offers a route to riches that legitimate Colombia can't come anywhere close to. Thus, it's mob rule where cocaine is king with officialdom either turning a blind eye or being implicated in it.

A not-so-well-oiled machine

In contrast to Venezuela, Colombia's oil revenue looks set to fall substantially in the coming decade.

Unsurprisingly, sources in the industry here say the government lacks any sort of plan for a not-too-distant future when the country will have to import the resource.

We'd expect Venezuela to have its house in more normal order in 10 years' time than it is now, so maintaining good relations with the oil-rich neighbour is key. Welcoming fleeing Venezuelans with open arms during this current crisis might just be the right strategy.

Short-term gain, long-term loss

As for the lack of planning in terms of resources, so it is for practically every other area, especially in the likes of education and infrastructure.

Unfathomable and often contradictory legislation enforced arbitrarily combined with rampant corruption mean progress is slow or there's none at all.

In such an environment there are few signs that the vast inequality is being reduced. This ensures continued envy and justification for crime from the have nots.

Reasons to be cheerful?

Notwithstanding the above, we're not running away from the place just yet. The fact that the country is in a state of flux, a tad chaotic if you will, both excites and frustrates many foreigners based here.

Plus, with La Selección (the men's national football team) on the verge of World Cup qualification, the powers that be can rest assured that the football-mad masses will forget all their daily strife, at least for a time.

And that's how things tend to roll here. Live for the moment, to heck thinking about the future.
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At home with the Escobars

He has the blood — indirectly at least — of thousands of people on his hands. His business interests arguably ruined the lives of millions of families across the globe. He once had a bounty of US$10,000,000 on his head and spent twelve years in a maximum security prison. 

Yet today, for little over €20, you can "relax", have a coffee and spend an evening with this man in his middle-class Medellín estate.

Roberto Escobar may not have been ‘at the muscle end of his family’ — to paraphrase a quote from The Godfather movie, a very appropriate one considering the subject — but there is no doubting the significant role he played in helping Colombia's Medellín Cartel become one of the most powerful criminal gangs in the world. 

While it was his brother, the infamous late Pablo that was ‘El Don’, Roberto was the vicious drug lord’s accountant, PR man and lieutenant. 

Those heady days may be behind him, but Roberto is happy to talk glowingly about them to anyone who feels comfortable enough to listen. And there are many willing to do just that. 

It is testament to the global reach of the Escobar Empire that a tour bearing Pablo’s name and officially sanctioned by the family itself is one of the biggest draws on the tourist scene in Medellín these days. 

For many it is a chance to step inside a surreal world that you only ever before got glimpses of through books, movies and the like. 

When you first see Roberto shuffling his way to welcome you to his home-cum-museum, those familiar with the Italian-American mafia drama The Sopranos will be instantly reminded of the character Junior Soprano. 

Resemblances aside, the fact that Roberto is half-blind and half-deaf following a letter-bomb hit two weeks after his brother’s death in 1993 means he moves just as slow as the elderly Soprano, but not without an air of authority. 

World's Most Wanted - Roberto Escobar & Wrong Way with Pablo's first mugshot.

The house — Pablo’s last residence before he was killed — is best described as a shrine to the man who terrorised the lives of thousands of Colombians in the 1980s and early 90s. 

From his bullet-proof, made-to-order Chevrolet jeep to the glamorous portrait of his prized show horse Terremoto de Manizales, you get an idea of the lifestyle Pablo ‘enjoyed’ as head of what was once the world’s biggest cocaine-exporting mob. 

Of course, you cannot run a proscribed group without having a residence equipped with hidden chambers — for both human and monetary purposes — and this dwelling doesn’t disappoint on that front. Alas, any hidden money is long gone. And just to keep things current, the bullet holes from a 2010 failed kidnapping attempt on Roberto and his son have been left in tact by the family. 

Interesting as all that is, the biggest draw of the tour has to be Roberto himself, the man who knows Pablo as good as anyone. The chance to chat one-to-one and have your photo taken with the right-hand man of one of the worlds most notorious criminals is quite an experience, whatever your moral viewpoint on the subject. 

Indeed, if you are a little uneasy about such a tour, we have been assured that profits are put into community projects in the poorer barrios of Medellín, ensuring the Robin Hood image Pablo liked to portray remains alive and well. 

Now, you might think Roberto — who first came into the public domain as one of Colombia’s best cyclists — would use such an opportunity to show some remorse for the many crimes directly linked to the Escobar family. Not so. 

In our questions-and-answers session, afforded to all visitors, he tells us that his family were as much victims of the drugs war as anyone else. That viewpoint might be a bit hard to swallow for some. 

It’s quite obvious from the way he talks that he still has the utmost respect for his brother. 

Yes, Pablo did some very positive work for many of Medellín’s impoverished, maybe more so than the Government ever could – but you can also say that Hitler vastly improved the lives of many Germans in the 1930s. 

Unsurprisingly, Roberto believes that all drugs should be made legal. Not a unique view that, but maybe a tad ironic considering that the legalisation of cocaine would possibly have been the single biggest measure to curb the rise of the Escobar empire. That’s a debate for another day.

As for the letter-bomb attack on him in prison shortly after Pablo’s death, Roberto believes it was the Government that carried it out. Indeed, he puts the administration of that time as bigger enemies than the Cali Cartel, their chief rivals in the drugs trade. 

What about the whereabouts of the unaccounted millions of dollars made during Pablo’s prime? That information is gone to the grave with him, of course. 

There was never going to be any other answer than that. But it does open the door for the next novelty tour, ‘Finding Pablo’s Millions’. Remember where you read it first. 

The wages of love

'There are two chief ways a man can have sex — pay for it or get it for free. I've come to the conclusion that it's cheaper in the long-term — and indeed short-term — to pay for it.'

Now, I won’t take credit for that quotation – nor indeed do I want to – but I have to say it’s beginning to make a lot of sense for me of late. 

Who actually first said it, of that I’m not sure, but it was relayed to me by a close friend some years back. And while I always thought it was an amusing quote, I never really appreciated its true value. Until now that is.

Up until a few weeks ago, I thought the days of men paying for everything on dates with the fairer (or should that be not very fair) sex had long gone. Even here, in South America, my experiences heretofore had been pretty balanced when it came to picking up the tab on nights out with women. Indeed, on many occasions, as a frugal backpacker, the settled locals wouldn’t let me pay for anything. Great work if you can get it, eh? 

I’m seeing the other side of things now, though. And that side comes in the form of an extremely attractive, 21-year-old Medellín-born Bogotá resident.

Nice view, but where is the love?

It’s at that early stage where I’m still wondering if she's just using me to have free nights out – you know, the rich (if only she knew), white Western guy – or does she genuinely have feelings for me. 

Two dates down and about $120,000 Colombian pesos less well-off (roughly €45, but put into context six nights' accommodation in a Bogotá hostel — cheers to the Cranky Croc, there) and the doubts are beginning to creep in. 

Yes, it’s early days. But no we haven’t slept together yet — the lack of private accommodation on my part and a strict Christian grandmother on hers have put paid to that. Well, at least that’s what I’m telling myself.

Now, from what I know of her so far, she seems pretty cool and she’s somebody I’m willing to give it a go with — my pretty average Spanish makes up somewhat for her poor English. 

In fact, for once I feel I’ve the slight upper hand on the language barrier front. It’s the fact that when it comes to paying the bills, my money’s the only one that talks in this budding relationship — I’m finding that a bit unsettling, especially considering I’ve yet to get a job here if indeed I will at all. 

Yes, it’s the culture here and if I genuinely like the girl I should have no qualms about it — but for how long will it go on this way? 

Is it worth, quite literally, going for broke in a country where gorgeous women rival in number the millions of dollars Pablo Escobar amounted in his prime. Well, maybe not as much as that, but there are plenty of beautiful ladies here all the same.
 

You see, I have it on good authority that for the same $120,000 pesos that I have thus far "invested" in my little beauty, you can call into the many strip clubs here and take your pick. 

OK, it’s a one-night stand (well, a whole night might be pushing it at that price). However, unlike a relationship that you invest time and effort in but might ultimately end in failure, you’ll have no baggage.

Of course, the strip club way is easy. For many, the thrill of the pick-up is what counts; spotting the girl you want, the initial flirting, the apprehension as to whether or not you’ll get your "prize", the satisfaction when it works out, the disappointment when it doesn’t.

But it can’t disguise the fact that you pay for it either way. One way by stealth — dating being the official term I believe — the other being a more open, transparent way where the rules are a bit more clear-cut.

I suppose it comes down to what you want from it all. If it’s only about satisfying your short-term needs, the clear-cut way should suffice. 

However, if you’re at that stage where you feel it’s time to give a relationship a blast — warts and all — the roller-coaster lifestyle of the dating game awaits, if you’re lucky. Or is that unlucky? Of course, you can always dabble in both.

Time and — more pertinently, perhaps — money permitting that is.